Revelations

Last November, I had a dream, which was sparked by a dawning awareness, end of September to early October 2020.

I was watching a new movie and realized I had always loved one of the actors in it. From the moment I first saw him as a young man, and in brief glimpses in passing by things he worked on as he grew and developed over time, there’d always been something core inside me that Recognized him as, “Yes, that’s the one.”

I wasn’t in a good or safe place to process this realization being handed to me like a chiding slap in the face to wake up. In fact, it came right in the middle of experiencing the stabbing wound of my three year’s engagement being killed and smothered to death in front of me, while I visited my dearly betrothed for the last time.

What would I have done with the information, anyway? Even if in a perfect world with unlimited resources and no barriers to our communication? The actor was also younger than me – and, look how well this engagement with a younger man was going!

Still, as I got the chance at last to pray behind and to the right side of my beloved late at night, after the cool had finally broken the stuffling heat of the day, and the hijab his mother had affectionately bought for me was light in its soft, smooth cotton and comforting me like a blanket, I stared up at the planet Mars with the deepest yearning as tears welled slow and trickled heavily from my eyes, and my soul sought for and sent out its call for the return of love’s deep connection.

Only the silence of the great void greeted me in the vast expanse of untamed Egyptian sky. Only the warm, melodic cadence of the man I’d loved singing his prayers to Allah for me to hear, witness, and be embraced by as a parting gift of his love for me, in a last memory’s cherished lullaby.

++++

I don’t know if it’s true, because I cannot see behind the veil, but there is a sense that sometimes we get bumped up close to people, in time, that we normally would never have crossed paths with.

When this happens, it seems to be that there’s a purpose to it: something from one person gets “rubbed off” onto the other person, and they go forward on their track in life, a bit changed from who they were before.

++++

What was the dream – what happened? Well, I will tell you, but pay attention.

Because it isn’t in the details of what I’m telling you, it’s in the spaces in-between where the mystery beckons, where silence waits for our minds to be quiet and look for hidden information.

For me, it’s in having done a lifetime of soul searching, counseling, and trial-and-error testing in life’s physical plane of “functionality,” and extrapolative ponderations that would’ve given even the greatest philosophers a run for their money, that makes certain elements resonate in certain ways for me.

It was a simple dream with a few detailed parts. I called a character the actor had played, not knowing the actor played him. I asked him if he was available, and if he would like to spend some time with me. He said, yes – that he would be right over. There was a connection of mutual interest.

As I waited for him, I stepped outside the house where I was staying. A river came to meet me, and parted into streams around me, flowing easily and full on either side of me where I stood on solid, dry ground, and the cool, moist air from the water’s passage refreshed my senses. I gazed out to where the streams ran to meet the sea, and I wondered about eternity.

Here, I could tell you, “Oh, I am ‘The Water Bearer’ on cusp of Pisces.” Or I could say sagely, “All rivers eventually return to the sea.”

Point is, this moment was very symbolic for me because I could feel that what was happening was definitely a message, and the fact I called him – and then, he agreed and wanted to see me – was something neither of us would normally be doing, in reality.

I resolved to discover who the actor was who played that character, and was surprised to find he was the same person I’d seen in the movie’s viewing in Egypt. I was astonished at how the dream had gotten under my protective barriers and seemed to be telling me to contact him.

++++

I did try to reach out to the man and introduce myself to him, but I never had solid confirmation it was truly him with whom I was speaking.

My youngest went into surgery, and I wrote thoughts, poetry, desires, ambitions, fears, questions, and curiosities to the actor by text, just holding onto the contact, not sure what our connecting together could really mean.

Whomever was on the other side of the text feed, I knew I was likely overwhelming him. I felt pressed for time, driven to share as much creative info about my self as I could with him. I knew this was a rare chance to show him parts of me nobody else knew – and that might never be seen.

I told him I wanted him to know he was loved, for himself – as a human being. I wanted him to keep believing in goodness with every fiber of his being. I wanted him to know that I believed in him and knew he’d keep doing amazing things.

And then it happened. The portal snapped closed. The line was cut suddenly, and we floated off again, separately, into our own sides of time and space to resume independent patterning.

My messages either got through to him and made sense, or they didn’t, and last I heard, he’s living his life pleasantly.

++++

Celebrities cannot afford an easy-going Zoom call without worrying who else will see it. They cannot say whatever they’re thinking offhand because someone might misinterpret their meaning, misquote them, or even lie about such things. Celebrities cannot afford – for all their wealth – the luxury of being “free.”

We “own” them, in a sense. The public does.That’s exactly why I’d remained all my life hiding in the shadows of “obscurity.” I never again wanted to be controlled by anything censoring honesty, charity, or good will in creative expression.

But, our brief pass so close that possibly bridged our realities sparked courage in me to begin standing in the light with him.

And thinking he might have been there, truly listening, meant the world to me. Not because he was a celebrity, but because, even before he “Became Somebody,” he’d always been a man I’d admired.