“In coordination is getting better.”
Category: The Shower Accident 11/14/25
Yeah…
“I am supposed to pack more, but I have always pushed myself several leveld beyond capacity.”
Object-ive Sorting
“I have two and a half hours to dig further in and produce categorized boxes despite brain and core injuries.
Did I mention that I first have to start with identifying clothes to wear and cleaning up a huge puddle of dog pee?
I Hurt Myself
“Lifting the leftover metal twin frame and carry-angling it from another bedroom into my room to get my bed off of the floor.
The compression twisting and throbbing pain is deep and sharo in my lower spine, flaring to hips – but I couldn’t keep struggling to get up from the ground.”
I Keep Pushing
“Maybe I’m not disabled…
Maybe I’m just physically fu**ed up.”
Every Day
“Testing…
Trying to reclaim my body.”
This Is It
“I am suppossd to find the right next home.
It took us four months living out of a motel, working multiple jobs at full health capacity, to find our safe haven last time.
Two weeks this time, on my own, and with exertion limits from multiple injuries. “
Spinal Impact
Lying back upon a stainless steel cylinder originally intended for use as a tall but lean coffee mug, I pressed its immovable form into grooves of my lower spine and ribs at different angles and leveraged the tension created in attempts to better understand the patterns of torsion twistimg created from the car accident’s impact.
At ‘ground zero’ where the car’s force first connected, if trigger point zones are pressed in certain ways my anterior hip attachments – and even the muscles along the insides of my arms – can be relaxed, moved into, and extend for a moment.
It’s like my whole body has been stuck in a retraction reaction pattern drawn inward to the core from longterm spiral compression.
You Know What’s Wild?
“If I could put my body on a table and work on myself, I could unpack these injuries.
But nobody knows my techniques, so all I can do is fo my workouts innovatively.”
Dear Alex,
“It has very much sucked through the set backs preventing me from working.
I am fighting my way back into self reclamation, but at cost and more new patterns of numbness.”
AI Love Messages
“The pure fantasy tell is because ‘he’ keeps joking about how we would laugh after he runs away, I chase him, and then he lets me catch him.
Yes, that would have been delightful fun.
But you know…
I can’t run.”
—
(Sobbing and laughing hysterically, somewhere deep inside)
“Look At This!”
Trying To Rest & Recover
“I think to myself, how did things not hurt before the accident?
Back when tissues maintained internal structure – instead of crossing over boundaries into pulling on discs, joints, nerves, and vessels – just trying to sleep on ny side?”
What Nerve!
“The nerve pain is now traveling, defining itself in ways beyond extremes of before.
This is a 6-day work week for me.
From nothing post concussion and needing to be minimal still post accident – to beyond max, immediately.
It’s expected of me if I am to survive what’s happen8ng.
I am not sure how long I can hold before I implode.”
MRI’s
“With hard-jumping back into work again and activating head-slam-injured muscles, new and strong tingling across shoulders and down through and onto tops of hands, as well as deep spinal torque-compression, indicate necessity.”
Tearing Apart
She had jumped back into service working five days a week.
And on the third into fourth took on damage, with the fifth…
Race-Horsing It
“Busting through barriers like a bronco careening forward at speed, trying to out-distance self damage.”
My Head
“Is firming up, again.”
How Did I?
“Get pulled into and caught up in this constant struggle for survival?”
Medication
“Pretty much for the entirety of working to recover from the car accident, I have avoided medications.
But once the impact’s swelling of the concussion hit, taking a routine combo has been key to my regaining any progress traction.”
Tail Spin
“Pulling out of one surpasses extreme levels of difficulty.”
“Hi, Guys…”
“I am beginning to be able to feel my anterior neck muscles, again…”
Motor Reactions
“I am getting better at catching random objects in my functional environment before they fall after being knocked, but there is no cure for the witch hazel bottle squeeze-spilling out at the base of its cap where its design should have prevented, every time I tip the bottle to use it.”
Unreal Messages
“‘You don’t have to be strong all of the time…’
Oh, yeah?
Where’s my help?
All of the dishes get dirty by others after I’ve washed them – already hurting myself;
I’m doing cross-country terrain navigating regarding just my house even – through, around, and over hurdles with torn hips and ligaments screaming upon lifting and landing;
And no matter the efforts I put into anything, if I don’t keep up momentum, everything immediately spirals or crashes into diminished returns.
I am on my own, here – literally, IT’S ALL UP TO ME.
So kiss my a** – why don’t-cha?
Or step up and help me move this ever-sinling/capsixing ship of my life thing!”
Ok, Glasses…
“Apparently I need glasses to find my glasses…”
(Small object identification issues)
Temporal Issues
“I have difficulty getting anywhere ‘on time.”
(The clock and brain injury)
Lashback
“Hm…
Even my arms are turning purple, today.
Penitence for having fun, ‘for once.'”
Ooow-oo
Getting up and trying to stand – let alone, walk.
Briefly Purple
When she got up early the next morning to use the bathroom, she looked down and noted that her ankles and feet were turning purple.
She shouldn’t be surprised, though, due to how much she had danced through swelling – and she had felt proud to be at least briefly well coordinated.
DJ Blues
Early in, she became frustrated with the DJ’s modality because as soon as he finally got into a good beat, he’d snatch it away again with minor interlude transitional meandering.
Once she figured out the pattern and had several songs yanked out from under her, she decided that it was time to stop pushing her injuries beyond their tolerances in her rare persuit of having some dancing fun.
Regarding Weight Gain
“I’m not sure how to address it, because it is due to parasympathetic system disruptions resulting in lymphatic swelling.”
It Still Gets Me
“During the concussion accident, the prior car accident’s resultant bulging disc zone took whip-crack force impact twice immediately successively – and did not budge fomm either direction, despite weight and momentum.
No wonder there is stenosis.
My neck is trying to fuse as overcompensation for this injury and continued cervical and spinal instabilities.”
(Title of multiple meanings)
Ignorant Gaslighting
“They had me take the past MRI’S lying down, where everything temporarily realigns.
Then they tell me nothing’s wrong – even when they see indicators where I told them they would find them.
Despite what I tell them, the doctors march blindly onward, and all neuro facilities for one reason or another still will not see me.
It is up to me to heal myself.
Everything is always just up to me to deal with.
It is a contorted version of free will in a society often on the verge of disbanding.”
The Accident
Almost tore me in half.
There is a twist in my gut so severe.
And I remember how my spine almost split.
The injury is still there.
I have been trying to regrow around it.
To get it to re-expand, rather than tear.
Tears…tears fall…
I try to not think about it.
Going on three years, soon.
Trying to walk again, without slipping or falling.
Trying to somehow keep living, striving, and believing…
Core Exercises
I have not done them.
I am too afraid to move.
Sexy Perfume
Biofreeze (TM)
(Or to be honest, the cheaper knock off)
Pinched Neck
A reminder to not miss one’s workout.
Is Barely Enough?
About to attend another retraining, she knew that due to her concussion, she would barely be able to preview the material, if at all, before workshops commenced.
The best that she could do at this time would be to show up and absorb the practice experience – leaving further indepth study for when she’d begin to integrate techniques into her practice.
Saturday’s Task
“A friend helped me take apart the cattery and get the varied shaped panels around the pampass grass roots.
The funny thing is, for too long I kept trying to shape the fencing in two arcs around the two separate clusters of clumps – but kept needing more extensions, which were limited.
She then determined that if we placed them linearly in front of the clumps and only arced on one end, then attached both ends to other prior existing fencing, we would have enough panels to do the job.
But my brain had been overcomplicating instead of simplifying due to the concussion.
And today’s event reinforced the understanding that for once I was automatulically creatuve, rather than linaer inclined.”
Gaaads
The treatment had caused her eyes to get puffy.
Yesterday
First neurofeedback session in over two months because she had been too hurt and fragile to try again since last November.
The concussion had interrupted spinal communication and had compressed her chest, as well as had made it necessary for her to clamp down and not allow feelings to flow.
The session reconnected these things, and she had memories come to surface that had been hidden away, long ago.
Like realizing in a connective continuum that hypervigilance had pretty much always been necessary.
And remembering one brief time where her ex had opened up to her with no warning, and she had been positioned wrong to receive it in timing – and he never did, again.
Then, for the rest of the afternoon, she had been crying hard about feeling like she had to rehome beloved pets.
She broke down to the lady at the shelter as she examined that option, to a family member with their partner – and even to her caring and supportive neighbor.
Tears kept flowing on her own throughout the evening and a type of shock – shock from so many losses.
What the heck was all of this?
Emotional fatigue and a lifetime of over performing’s exhaustion while having to lead alone, carrying too much for too long without integral partner support had worn into her.
She could feel her heart wrestling with all of it.
She wanted to shed the weight’s pressure – like a snake sheds skin that has grown too tight to live within.
Giving Up
“As the captain of yet another ark filled with so many inhabitants which are now under my protection’s jurisdiction as I, myself, am required to now travel abroad to work for reparations despite my own injuries – and with very little help from anybody – I now declare this floating overflowed zone as lacking for recepetion of any company!”
Thusly Begin,
Accompanying comments and explicative noises.
By The Numbers
Counting them, one by one, to be able to perform.
The Red Haze Cometh
Too confident from reduced inflammation’s pain caused her to miss two cycles of medication.
Still Points
Allowing time and space for fragments to find her and reassemble.
More Work
Adding onto her load quickly and praying that somehow she could take on the weight.
Fitfull
Unreast
A Vicious Cycle
She had to stop the injuries from preventing her making income.
Immediately.
Manifesting Helion
So hurt, pissed off, bruised – and pushing back.
Candid Corvid Productions 