“Funny how he needed to tear me down while I tried to help lift him up…”
Category: Hyde’s Bride
It Had Been Easier
To blame her, rather than to develop his self.
She Didn’t Want
“To get in line with the others.”
EnTrenched
She had learned that if distance was given, distance was desired.
How then does one bridge with another?
Skid Row
She couldn’t figure out why she kept getting bumped back down onto it.
I Have Waited
“Paralyzed by my own will viciously reminding me still: I’m born to believe. I know you can see.”
(Sleep Token lyrics)
I Remember
Harmony
And
Inclusivity
Even though
Memory of it
Is a
Faint whisper
I Am
“On My Own.”
(Euclid – Sleep Token)
Social Contract
He refused any in his mind, and so chose to use his wife as an accessory.
Until one day denied again after asking, she told him that was the end of it.
Marijuana
“He chose me…
And then he just didn’t, anymore.”
Gutter Slang
“‘Society grips men by their balls.'”
Hissing Spit
“What Good is a man for then – anyway?
If a woman is supposed to fill every role – and is yet still discarded as inadequate…
If she must rise to every occasion on her own to defend of her self, her children, and battle injustices to hold ground in society…
How then can a man expect that she can make any room for him?
Is today’s modern man good for anything beyond briefly yielding genetic seed?”
Slitted Eyes, Sharp Claws
“If you are a protector, then why don’t you protect?”
In Times Of Need
“You ask for help…
You find that help is limited – and often with attached conditions that you cannot afford…
Ultimately, you find that everything is still up to you to try to control…
But resistance is futile…
And pieces just reassemble to counteract the good that you promote and would see in the world…
So you continue to find ways to outsmart the patterns…
But you know that it’s all still a wasteful game – bleeding time, effort, and energy…
It becomes irrefutable that you are on your own…
Because who you want isn’t calling on the phone…
And he certainly isn’t bringing the calvary.”
(Like That – Sleep Token)
I Now Know
“What happened to me, and why.”
Downward Spiral
He refused to see her symptoms as an indicator that something was wrong – and instead saw them as decreasing her use’s value to him so that she could be more easily discarded.
Circumstance
The trust she had given freely had retracted into severe caution.
Matriarch Treatise
“Had she seen how much she and I were alike?
Kindred spirits in how we valued and prized family.
Did she also foresee that I would walk the lonely road for much of my life?”
Back When
“I remember the place held such mysteries, and how nature seemed brimming and inviting.
But then, one day many years later, everything seemed flat – and expelled me.”
Untrue?
“Did I say anything?”
In Fact,
He had been “bonding” with her sister.
Players “Play”
He had tried to equate it to a time so many years before when he had hard-abandoned her emotionally.
(Shadows – The Midnight)
She Had Trusted Him
When he finally opened up to her.
And accepted his explorations, thinking they were natural.
Until she discovered the hidden treachery that had grown beneath everything – which he then put the blame on her for.
(Happiness By The Kilowatt – [Alexisonfire Cover] – Leo Faulkner)
Pain
“When the ache hurts too much, I need to disconnect because I have learned that by then, I do not really matter.”
“I Cannot Laugh At It”
(You Make Me – Dj J’ess)
“I Left My Heart In California”
When the man one day returned, there was only one part of intimacy that he wanted from her.
And he was always “too tired” to reciprocate.
“Affection” is affection, right?
But hollow love makes a hollow soul.
Especially after all of the damage that he had caused when he had left her.
Entitled.
Glorified.
Inhumane.
And then, he prioritized every whim of an abussive narcisist who poisoned anything good and functional.
And he would not break off contact with the prior home wrecker.
And he expected that the woman should defer to him under these circumstances.
And she wasn’t his responsibility – clearly, she was short-sighted.
In fact, she was “too needy” and should “get a grip on reality.”
Then he pursued another female who he claimed was a better match for him.
But he still wanted and needed “access.”
Everything that the woman had ever held sacred was flayed as she was tormented.
Her only way to escape was to self-eviscerate.
—
(Title of a past classic bumper sticker)
In The MeanTime
I want to hold you close, proud
But you refuse to come around
In every day our love’s wasting
I still rise to meet it, embracing
Unrequietment’s blade cuts deep
Where seek truth left in darkness
Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner – End Clip Of “Dirty Dancing”
Faded Anniversary
She couldn’t even remember the day’s numeric, anymore.
Only that it had seemed to be chosen because it was close to Valentine’s Day and her birthday.
A tidy bundle of dates clustered together in a nice, neat package that he could easily ignore and get away with as a repeated blip in his memory’s system.
Oops, so sorry about that…
But once passed, there’s no going back, right?
So the rest of the year, he’d be ‘home free’ to continue his tireless rejection of her.
Roads I’ve Tread
He did not view me as capable
So long ago shut down on me
I learned to no longer speak
For it wasn’t polite company
But dreams were in my head
Desires repressed in our bed
Life’s will for creation’s certainty
Kept me growing despite apathy
(Girl Like Me – Cam)
To Be Understood
The Absurdity Of It All
For that family to later accuse her, when she had always been cautious and careful about asking for anything.
Their matriarch had done what she did for her descendants – and she happened to be a caring and proactively supportive, barely tolerated “bystander,” who only benefited by crumbs’ default!
Is It Enough?
To capture memories and experiences that have clung – transfering onto this paper?
Will they then leave me alone so that I can be relieved of suffering”?”
The Terrible Things We Do
When we allow fear, greed, and jealousy to rule.
But After All,
He was only a man who had been controlled by his demons.
Hyde’s Dissolution
He had judged her for her values
Condemned her for her curiosity
Resented her cheerful optimism
Negated her proactive inclusivity
And made damn well sure that
She’d struggle to keep anything
Over Time
She had learned to ignore those who had ignored her.
We Are All Learning
“In overthrowing what has not worked, we struggle to find and apply what will work – while sharks are chum feeding, churning up the waters.”
(Slow Bloom – EMBRZ)
Plight Of Accommodators
We are teased with the promise of love, drawn out from our shells by its hope to wonder if perhaps safe this time to claim – but then are threatened inadvertently or on purpose by unsteady ground warning of its losses, which shifts us into compensation to fill gaps that continue ever widening.
One might say to just stop and let the vision crumble around them to save their own selves.
But isn’t this what everyone else is doing?
Isn’t lack of commitments’ investment and followthrough exactly why society is often on the verge of capsizing?
Then, One Day
She just stopped talking.
(Recognize You – Porch Light)
In The Shadow Of Doubt
Having been cast off in her prime for “doing everything right” made her deeply worry that anyone would value and stay with her through her mid and later years.
Reversion Therapy
She thought about how when she was a child, her mother’s Great Danes used to tower above her small form as a child,
It used to feel like she was protected by the gentle giants as they ranged and roamed around her, so she could let her guard down.
Now that her mother had ‘upgraded’ to even larger hounds, she experienced feeling safe like a child again whenever she got back for a visit.
