Category: Hyde’s Bride

“I do not regret standing up for and protecting the woman who always did the same for us through any weather.”

She remembered when their matriarch was in the hospital, and her son’s wife tried to grab her purse to seize power of attorney.

“No…she put me in charge of her purse,” said the granddaughter-in-law (which had been true because she expected they’d take advantage in her moment of weakness), seizing the sachel back and calling for protective backup.

It was an act that later set the rest of the family against her

Jagged glass
Broken pottery

Cobblestones
Slick-wearied

Dirt-streaked
Tears’ honesty

On a cloaked
Face hiding

Eyes that still
See everything

Her muscles were locking down, rendering her incapable of getting productive, because the environment had become hostile and resentful toward her.

She understood what was happening and why and that it wasn’t her fault, but still, she had to brace against the weight of being seen as the target.

“‘Cause anything’s better than the way I feel.”

(Sleep Token reference)

She was also realizing that at this point, she too was afraid of being looked at and seen for her injuries.

“Vulnerable…

Thus, clearly unapproachable.

Because I have my guard up.”

What she really wanted was Love.

If she allowed herself to trace back to its origins, the rage would ignite and inflame, attempting to possess her as a self defense mechanism.

Because ever since The Fall , it seemed that she had never been able to fully succeed and thrive, again.

How in the Hell does one, then, recover?

Crying and rocking herself quietly to avoid alarming the others, she scanned her mind’s maps carefully around the building migraine, trying to fashion the next step in her survival strategy so that they would not lose their housing.

‘I need you to help me – NOW!”

She wanted to scream it – to tear apart the silence with it – but hated that she needed.

So she didn’t.

She wouldn’t even speak it.

She didn’t feel that she had the right to.

She couldn’t even whisper it to anyone or anything as tears slowly traced her frustration.

Hope still flickered
But was unrewarded

She had made herself available, but now she’d just…

Some people do not deserve it
Yet others deserve it and more

She had not been sure that he would have considered her, in the first place.

She had never considered herself to be capable of such behavior, although she had invested in high levels of commitment so far unmatched and unrivaled in past tanked relationships and seemed to be capable of even greater expansion when inspired.

It seemed that she had still not found something that she could depend upon.

And then, she rises, anyway.

“The sun is already going down before I’ve seen it, and I no longer feel capacity to muster space for my own isolation’s joy.”

“They just make tissues swell, the head pound hatder – and there’s still no releass from desperation!”

Why did the difficulty level just always have to increase?

She had done her time, paid dues for other people – and all she had wanted for herself in return was something of her own that she could keep.

But no…

She was being shown over and over that the gods were never satisfied.

She would have taken them in…

And she would have admonished the others, keeping their hostilities from causing harm.

“The past frequency of older men marrying younger women not only afforded potential for financial stability for a new family – but more possibility that by then the man would have gained some worthwhile maturity!

Although, there are those rare instances when a man achieves greatness beyond those of his elders and peers, way ahead of preordained schedule…

Including admiration of so many throngs of ladies.”

—

(Title play with words)

She had become ill because of how he had been treating her.

Then, despite all that she had given and supported before, he and his family just threw her out onto the street so that they would not have to care for her.

And yet, once away from them all, even though caught up in the miring of dust and the toil, her sanity came back to her because she was no longer under their corrupted control nor influence.

Now that was worth some hearty, full throttled, open-mouthed and loudly maniacal laughter – even without any liquor!

She wanted him.

Not because he was perfect.

But because he worked for and toward it.

And collapsed when he couldn’t.

But then, got back up again – despite any weakness.

He was the man that she wanted to stand and fall with.

Because, together, they could find ways to rise again and fall more gently.

For they had what it takes to mutually invest in and enjoy life in any weather.

They could catch and lead each other.

They could be passionately, exclusively essential lovers.

She needed a man who had fought for his higher values and proven his commitment in the past, just as she had fought for and proven hers.

God(s) – Make It Stop!

She didn’t want these dream reminders of how her life in relationship used to be…

Resurfacing memories playing out in new scenarios creating a continuum where being relegated to less than almost barely tolerable was what she deserved – and the way that it “should” always be!

Hurting
Afraid
Defensive
Desiring

—

(Multiple meanings)

She could only mean as much to him
As he would allow her to mean to him

Realizing this barrier made her
Want to scream Hell at Heaven

—

(Title of multiple references)

I can’t hold this on my own, anymore
I never have wanted & don’t want to