“Have I accomplished?”
Category: Altered States
In My Heart
“Growly-fierce impatience mixed with fears’ trepidation.”
And Still,
“I can smell strong urine – even after having sprayed the orange deodorizing mist.
Where are the rewards?
Where are the rewards?!“
6:33AM
“And already, emails about late bills and pending cancelations- ‘your last notice!’ – jacking up more cortisol are flooding in.
That’s it…
My ringer us getting turned off until I’m ready to deal with the world.
Modulation
“I know that when I have someone to love, there can be a buffer that helps to shelter me.
But I have not been more than partially loved, so how is still a mystery.”
SpitFire
“I can be one.”
Why Not?
“Why couldn’t my reason for waking be good instead of for sh** to clean up?!”
And, Of Course,
“Self analyzing in a type of critical judgement as my body quivers with adrenaline from being slammed into furious overdrive when I need to – instead – still be sleeping.”
Not A “Mr. Darcy Moment”
“Sunrise treck – and I am livid.”
5:50AM Gritting Teeth
“Having to fully dress and walk the dogs out at distance to make sure no more messes happen in the next hour because I no longer have the privacy of my own yard.
‘And we were grate-ful…'”
I Am Not Perfect
“Then I get angry at 5:30am when my wolf pees on the floor, making the unit reek, and I have to mop it up.
I am just so fed up with this cortisol emergency jag treadmill!”
Why?
“I am bolt-wide awake at 5am.”
(You Do Something To Me – Paul Weller, Rare Live)
Word Of The Day: Stymied
“I’m not depressed – but longterm vexed.”
Double Pendulum
(Incomplete Me – Robby East, Extended Mix)
EDM And ADHD
“Yep! Got me groovin’ – and then my hypervigilance smoothed, and I am now able to fall asleep.
In other words, it broke my mind-locked loop so that I can now shift phases.”
Nothing Seems “Fun”
“Everything is just work…toil…effort…struggle…!”
“Still Holdin’ On”
Do You Ever Feel Like
“No matter what you do, you can’t get the pieces together?”
(As a precious bag of dog food rips open as lifted from the shopàping cart…)
(Face Reality – Amoss, Fre4knc, & Swift)
Just Passing Time
“Working on ‘problems,’ waiting for my love to come home…”
Ashes Of Ruin
The toxins from the fumes kept inundating her system, pressing upon and into lungs, puffing blanching skin, and muddling cognition.
But she had no other place to try to rest and so succumbed to the realization that somehow she must adapt, trading sleep for deeper infusion.
I’ve Been Wondering,
“When will the stress back off?”
HyperState DreamWalking
“If we do not allow this reboot, we ‘explode.'”
A Moment Of Grace
“Finding a large, unused garbage bag for the kitchen bin.”
If You Leave It To A Cat
“It will find every weak spot in your planiest of planee-plans…
In fact, if you do not counter-plan, your house will come tumbling down around you.”
(Is It Over Now? – Elderbrook)
It Wasn’t My Choice
“I’m more of a private cottage with my garden and enclosed yard type of person.”
“From Above And Within”
Listen to From Above And Within 5.28.26 by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/QTy0Vis5iO8mQnk7Kg
Bad-A**
“Bit**.”
DisIllusionment
“An interesting conceptualization, which in itself is a skewed perception.”
Rent About Due
“And I should feel lucky.”
Literally,
“Hardly any space to breathe.”
Why Do I Try?
“Last minute, under the wire, found a replacement cute microwave to trade for the black small microwave.
It also has a lock – but hey, it’s the same white that matches my toaster, right?l!
Everybody helps make the transaction happen.
Then get it into the car – and there’s a smell.
Not only a perfume/cologne smell, but the smell of it having been in a smoker’s house.
That which I am somehow living in and trying to get resolved out of smell inundateion.
‘The irony runs thick with this ine…'”
As Of Today,
“I weigh 199 lbs.
That’s cortisol mixed into injuries for ya!”
No Mores
“Having the dogs with me in the garden or throwing the hound her ball.
No more sitting together in front of the fireplace feeling enthralled.
No more hopeful striving – just passing the mantle.”
Too Little Space
“And whittled endurance.”
Simple Things
“I want to have my couch able to be sat upon – without my having to move boxes or have it covered to keep the animals from ruining it!”
Losing Privacy
“Other people’s smells.”
Done With Done
“Let’s get to having.”
Divided Lines
“Separated from values.”
Helping Out
“Below ‘E.'”
Laminate Floor
“Still doesn’t stop a dog from peeing to where it runs under everything, making it difficult and thus painful to clean up around midnight.
And it doesn’t stop someone’s hidden smoke box fumes from seeping in, clouding and choking where should be fresh air.
They say you have rights, but it’s more responsibilities.
And I’m to the point of needing to no longer care.
I can’t pretend to keep captaining the way that I used to.
I need to divide and divy off what there still is to share.”
Fantasy
“Sets up expectations that might have nothing at all to do with reality.”
Anger’s Madness
“When patience has been trampled.”
Object-ivity
When she looked at something directly, she could “see” in front and behind it – but it was like her brain turned off her eyes’ ability to see the object itself clearly.
Tested
“It seems like I am always being…”
Burned Out
“I want out of the guard.”
Hysterical Tears
“And a one – and a two – and a one – and a two!”
Candid Corvid Productions 