So hurt, pissed off, bruised – and pushing back.
Category: The Shower Accident 11/14/25
Flared Agitation
“The bill’s rapid-fire speaking representative refused to acknowledge the efficacy of my request that she briefly summarize past due and paid activity so that I could see it more clearly – rather than my having to wade through an overload of visual data in many statements that she wanted to send to discern this while I battle brain injury.”
“It Isn’t Safe”
Her injuries’ distortion could not stop triggering panic.
Freezing was the only way that she could stop from overreacting.
Captain’s Log: Friday
Our last date extension
To come up with funds
Cups Half Full
Many people do not realize
They have abilities to shine
In ways taken from others
Just One Position
“Please at least give me one where I can be comfortable.”
Steps…When?
Find Ableton tutorials that I paid for 2024
Open Ableton
Play first video
Identify objects
Navigate through haze
Process info – Darn It!
Adrenaline
Hypervigilance resulting in extreme insomnia ensured that the brain did not shut down while in shock’s repairing – yet also delayed recovery.
Missing In Description
It was anothrr major neck injury, which did not have breakage because she’d been relaxed by that day’s training session – but the impact had been severe.
Angel Numbers
“When they speak of work and home balance, do they mean balancing what little that I can give at work with after care of realignment exercises and lots of bed rest at home?”
Exercise
“The one consistency where faint hopes coincide.”
Stationary
I’m stuck on my phone
Too many sudden sounds startling to sleep
So why don’t I get up and try to progress?
Because it’s not enough
It’s never enough
And what I choose is “necessary”
In contrast to what my heart desires
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
Still Motion
Stuck in pause
Hearing clunks as others
Go about their activities
And I just cannot muster
The desire to join them
But maybe that’s ok because
They get the space for living
And I show up as a cameo
To be helped getting out the door
And then they get some privacy
Maybe this arrangement’s needed
And maybe I’m on pause so that
I do not hit replay of past memories
For I must guard that door carefully
And maybe my abilities are blocked
To wipe the slate clean for a reset
But this confuses and alarms me
Because I don’t have a quiet space
So that I can think and expand without
Having to curb reaction to stimulus
Staying in one place over time
Allows me to feel ebbs and flows
Yet I feel that I can’t produce
My life is on hold and I need
Yet am afraid to trust guidance
Independence allows room to breathe
Being alone is a known without
Worrying I won’t be enough
Because I need help
And also I know that
Once I recover (if, if, if, if, if)
I will want to fly again
But no man has stayed
When I am weak or strong
Always finding reason
To feel intimidated or let down
By their own lacks projected
Swinging like the disk of
A clock’s pendulum
And if I need help now
If I need saving now
Am I less than worthy
Of a man’s devotion?
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
It Seems That
“Much of my time is lying down, waiting for my internal rotators to line up so that I can function briefly – but then, I need to rest again.”
3 Day Countdown
It is extremely alarming (and hard to manage not over-reacting) to be unable to pay for my bills or housing.
New Bruise
Falling gently backward against something at an odd angle placed irregularily.
Parietal
Stuck compression.
Heartache
Ever since the concussion, she could not find comfort, and her heart would jolt her wide awake when in certain positions desperate for sleeping.
In The Waiting Line
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
,,,
“Visual Bombardment”
Ah, Yes…
She had not done her usual workout routine yesterday, so now came the migraine torsion.
Sinews
Her frame, planking, beams, and knees creaked and ached like timbers of a ship as she groaned, trying without success to take a small nap.
Miscalculations
As she took a drink of water in the gray and spilled some down her shirt.
Time for bed, again, as circulation quivered.
Could fasting and giving blood for labs days ago still be the cause of this imbalance?
Lockdown
No, No, No!
She had worked to get this far today – and now needed to make progress!
Was it her brain?
Her muscles?
Her heart?
What was going on?!
Shaking
She could feel how weak her structural stability was.
Did this mean that systems were coming back online?
Was it yet safe to start adding other exercises to rebuild the muscles?
Was there enough reactivated core matrices for them to build upon?
Delayed Reactiom
“These accidents have taken away my ability to do anything!”
(In her mind throwing objects at walls, doors, and windows while screamimg hellfire at them to break them down.)
Progress
“Even if I can only do one or two things per day to advance my regaining stability, this is still valuable.”
Setbacks
“I haven’t been able to do most of my shoulder and hip restabilizing exercises since the concussion because when I try, doing them increases since then strained cephalic pressure.”
Lack Of Impetus
There were things that she needed to do, but all of them were draining.
Gravity’s Well
She thought that she was getting up…but then, she wasn’t.
Misalignment
Much like the prow of her ship from past collisions, her hip and shoulder were twisted from recent effort to swab the deck.
(Stronger [What Doesn’t Kill You] – Kelly Clarkson)
Brain Crash With Fighting Off Impending Meltdown
Because she could not “see” where the needed undergarment had gone to.
Suspension Anxiety
She couldn’t tell if it was from circumstances, or physical injury.
The Job
Keep stitching torn sails, work to repair rigging, and pray for reinforcements.
Resolute
The concussion scenario being a dead end recipe for complete disempowerment, she just kept trying to do whatever she could try to do, despite it – peppered with moments of stopping for breaks to try to rest.
Braaaaiiiiinnn
“One could think that being told one must rest for recovery would be liberating.
But it isn’t – no, not one bit – not one bit at all when one’s boat is sinking.”
Discussion
“After two and a half years of working toward reactivating muscle responses, it becomes apparent how essential that the surrounding fascial support tissues are in also needing reactivation to cushion and hold structural supports, as well as keep them within their own sectors vectors.”
My Phrasing
“Based upon personal and professional experience.”
Official Terminology
“Connective tissue integrity disruption.”
Building On Belief
“A doctor’s assistant doing initial intake before I saw my primary recently listened to how I’d discovered that my workouts had actually been gaining ground in restabilizing my spine – and then how devastated I was to have that progress disrupted and basically wrenched from my hands from the concussive fall.
Whereupon, I was surprised and encouraged when she reflected my prior once faith back to me by saying assuredly, ‘But you can get that back…'”
I Was Astonished
“That the orthopedic doctor actually said, ‘What good would an MRI do?’ – and he’s a surgical specialist!”
Can I Opt Out?
“From this whole body and brain injury scene?”
(School’s Out – Alice Cooper)
I Am Literally
“Quite twitchy.”
Dr’s Note
“There’s this feeling that I can’t place, like being body-slammed or hit in the face – felt since hearing that the only recovery path for my concussion is rest minus brain use activities when survival requires opposite.”
I Am Tired Of Struggling
“Pick A Subject…”
Parallel Tracks
Narrowed fields of vision
Along gaptic crossways
Make it near unfathomable to
Work several projects linearly
Thunk!
“I got a deep hip adjustment when I extended my leg out for a stretch while on my back.
Maybe I’m closer to some better tracking!”
Candid Corvid Productions 