Skid Row Blues

Where we stay is inundated by people living on the edge, those who are relegated to the “fringe” of society.

They are not our tribe – though nice enough, gratefully – and I do not like this constant exposure. However, we are in the city proper and the staff treats us well.

We have our own large room, where the window is above elevation, away from the walkway. The bathroom is large, and the rooms are fairly insulated.

The freezer melts ice cream, but if you buy a bag of ice and shove it alongside the carton, it only gets a bit mushy.

The amount we pay totals up to what we could pay for a rental. But the competition for housing in this area is fierce, and my credit is wonky due to separation and the pandemic disrupting reparation.

I have excellent character and work references, but rental references are cruddy due to either an addict landlord, or a string of them that ascribed to the policy of entitled delayed maintenance, claiming we owed money for repairs they didn’t do.

How do we begin over again without falling into a similar trap? In searching for an opening, we often find situations that could trend toward the unhealthy.

For now we are overextended, just barely keeping a foot in current and future realities – unsure if the gap between them will widen, or if we’ll find solid grip for our crossing over.

Though I won my case, the money due to me is still enmired within system processes. There seems to be no rush toward releasing it, despite our long-standing and pressing needs.

Would I use it to pay off old credit, or fix my tanked car? Would I use it to pay deposit and rent, or pay back my parents? Could it go as a down-payment on a house, if properly leveraged?

When dire straights continue to add up, promised-yet-delayed relief gets complicated as to what and how one would apply it with regards to the backlog of bills still unattended.

It feels like veiled illusion as to how much I would even get, and it being taken from me – then its return delayed – reinforces a type of apathy towards money.

My gamble’s long-haul endurance requirements take a toll on me, as I see where we could be, if only we were allowed to transcend barriers to entry.