Extremes

Road rage of well-educated esoterics…

Downtown, a higher elder flew into anger because I did not take his offer to cross in front of him in my car due to pedestrians.

His rage projecting with high intensity caused something inside me to just snap suddenly, and I instantly rose to the challenge of externally pantomiming at him, “What? I’m just supposed to run people over for you?”

As my body flew into action, seeking how to convey this animatedly, my youngest lunged for my arms and blocked them. I was so shocked and immediately upset – hindbrain activated by the man now instantly ramped levels by sense of “betrayal from within.”

My valid response shifted to anger and hurt as we left the situation, and I carefully parked while an innocent young boy waved to me.

I got out of the car after several heated and confused exchanges with my youngest, telling him to never do that again to me.

It was one of the first times I’d let myself honestly react in public, and I felt shut down by his action.

I went into a nearby restroom and closed the door, locking it to create a cool sanctuary. Then I sank against a wall, crouching and hugging my knees as I felt my eye muscles subtly twitching from overstim.

What was happening – what was going on with me?

I was shocked and outraged that a wiser elder had irrationally lashed out at me, and my being had responded to the sense of injustice this caused in me.

My youngest had his instinctual reasons for responding: he was trying to protect me.

Neither of us was wrong. His prevention was probably better for me, as that is not the usual way I interact in public.

I settled into realizing I am in a new environment and need to do more observing. I’m not yet established, and though I am under tremendous pressure, I need to take things less seriously.

Some people in this town are clearly upset: two in three days have directly targeted me while driving.

I must allow the idea that it has nothing to do with me, but more with how they are viewing the world.

They don’t know me.