They targeted my father, and so went after my mother and their son and daughter.
I, being the oldest, understood too well suddenly what was happening as we discarded everything, climbed into a rickety Volkswagon van, and donned tattered clothing.
Luckily, the woven, striped blankets and makeshift bedding in the back did not smell musty, and our hastily grabbed snack groceries and water were tossed in without caring if the bags ripped.
I don’t know how far we’d traveled to reach the stone sanctuary, but when we arrived, it must have been long enough to confuse the hunters in their search, allowing their orders to switch from “kill” to “detain and bring.”
As we and mother were ushered into the chamber, dread filling my solar plexis, father was brought forward to meet the master planner.
He was told that he could choose to serve, or watch his family be slaughtered.
Luckily, the master gave my father further incentive on how he could serve with honor – or I fear he may have opted for us all to perish, simply to free us from this monster.
+++++
I watched as my fafher climbed the steps of the ladder to stand on the makeshift balcony and address the assembly.
It did not phase me that he now looked like The Witcher from the Netflix series, and it made sense that the people rallied to greet and follow him.
Bound to this new destiny, my family had become as royalty, and I was now maturing into a viable young woman.
I watched from a distance when the hunters would pass by in the halls, never coming directly down the corridors of the nobility, but crossing the transections leading to different meeting rooms on errands that only secrets and lies would keep.
The two that had come for us – I noticed them the most, for the impression they’d left upon me had been terrifying.
Like an arrow tip snapped off and left in my gut, the wound gnawed at me, and I ever pushed my will against it to understand and dislodge it.
+++++
Being as our family members were allowed to cross between classes, we could partake in both nobility and commoner gatherings.
I went into the dark-lit hall one evening to pass time observing the mixture of revelry where hunters and clansmen mingled freely.
As I observed the scene where everyone was welcome no matter rank or reputation of duties, I saw the two there, and the one with the thinner, sharp angles on his face leveled his gaze at me.
I can’t explain well the way he looked and walked, only that there was something of a mix of elvin, hawk, and lean wolf about him.
I felt drawn to know him more to understand what made him tick.
Was the berry plum wine I did not remember consuming leading, or was it the heart of a girl becoming a woman that caused me to beckon him to join me in the dark enclave where we might have some brief privacy?
He approached me warily with a “Good evening, Milady…” – a knowing glance between us quickly assessing and conveying that we both knew where we stood.
He had not forgotten the role he had played of neutral clemency or death upon members of my family – self included – and he could see and feel he owed some kind of debt to me in order to even our score.
“I would like you to kiss me,” I said – and his eyes widened slightly in surprise, before resuming their neutrality.
But, I’d caught the glint of fear before he’d hidden it.
I now understood that he was like a wild predator inside, and that he knew – like any wolf – that if you get close to a fire’s source of heat, it can burn you.
“What’s in it for me?” he asked, nonchalantly, recomposed and assessing me man to woman.
I was flattered that he gave me my new status by this scoffing, and liked the fact I’d caught a glimpse of his vulnerability.
“It’s not for you, it’s for me,” I asserted
“I want you teach me how to kiss properly, as I have no experience in these things – and I am ready.”
“I want you to teach me what is good and how to coax passion. Mayhap, I will teach you a few things…”
The corner of his mouth twitched as he struggled to keep aloof. Then he broke out in heartfelt laughter, dropping his guard and opening his arms wide to me
“Then come with me, Milady, and we shall see what delights we discover!”
+++++
I came upon them early one evening soon after, the two hunters having just strung up a young man built tall and strong who was gripping at the loop around his neck, struggling to not let it kill him.
My wolf – The Rake – was holding the rope hoisting the young man up. There was no mistaking the situation: they’d been ordered the kill the lad.
I rushed forward, ” STOP! STOP THIS NOW!” Whereupon the rope was actually dropped to my surprise, although Rake’s face remained impassive.
The young man dropped to his hands and knees, then struggled to loosen and get the rope off of his neck while coughing and gasping
Rake watched me as his hands still loosely gripped the rope, and it seemed as if he could read my thoughts and take in what I was feeling.
Panic’s confusion flooded my brain as I struggled to reconcile the versions of this man whose inner fire appealed to and quickened me.
Somehow, subconsciously, I had expected my “goodness” to transfer to him by our interacting.
I was flustered at my own naivety, and it dawned on me that I was going to have to teach him why he must modify his path in life and how he must own and use his power over life and death more carefully.
His high intelligence required soft handling and his spirit needed the warmth of my heart’s passion – I could see.
But, the reality of the world we lived in had dictated a role for him that was hard to abandon.
As he gazed at me, fully willing and capable of immediately resuming what I considered to be an outright atrocity, suddenly I was yanked back into my life’s previous “reality.”
+++++
My mind struggled through the haze of realizing the light in my bedroom was brighter than it should be, were the alarm to be going off soon at 7am.
“No, No, No – don’t let it be!” as I groped for my phone in the darkness, feeling impending doom and resurging panic as, indeed, both alarms had gone off – but were somehow kept silent.
“NO – I TRUSTED YOU!”
Adrenaline bursting through my body, causing instant shaking as I scrambled to find black smock pants, shirt, bra, socks (forget underwear – GO!), I crammed my feet into soft, velvet black tennis shoes and dashed to the bathroom – telling my youngest I was leaving immediately, so please take over Everything.
20 minutes was all I had to dress and drive to the office. I could still see Rake watching me from the other side, absorbing impressions of my thoughts’ cascade-patterning unfolding.
“I TRUSTED YOU! This is IMPORTANT to me!”
The dream had sucked me down into realms of deeper healing and alternative visceral experiencing long needed, and the alarm clock had conspired against time to keep me sleeping.
He had distracted me. His heart had lured me.
Because his darkness made it safe to accept the darkness inside of me that has felt like I’ve somehow become corrupted.
Because the darkness in that situation had allowed me to see how bright my white light is still shining.
Because my soul is seeking and needs another of it’s fire’s kind of heat to inspire and ignite the true me.
Because, as a healer, I’m drawn to the complexity of human spirit – especially if its kind appeals to me and feeds my own questing.
Because I desired him, and he needed me.
My brain in its turmoiled vex – unsure of what to think or believe – could only quip, “Never trust a murderer!”
And yet, perhaps it was he who had awakened me, knowing I was fully capable of using the time remaining to somehow still succeed.
Candid Corvid Productions 