Living In Reality – Having Relationship

I have no idea how I will be able to have a good relationship again.

I say again, because on my end, I think I had a lot of positive going for me.

I contributed well and likely beyond usual requirements to ensure growth and positivity could flourish.

My partners ended up draining me, pulling themselves out of the water of life and just watching me tread water doing the work, while they sat on their shelving.

I don’t know how to find someone who will invest like me.

And honestly, I’m frightened of the commitment because I imagine it will at first make me feel quite disoriented.

How does one keep being themselves in a good partnership?

When can one relax and know the other won’t find excuse or reason to leave?

How do I find and identify an available man of excellent character and integrity?

I need someone who’s willing and able to give and receive beyond my dreams.

I say this because the ideal concept promises a better matching for mutual collaboration.

How does one gain cooperation from another person so that they are equally contributing?

I look back at past behaviors I worked on when I had personal failures, and I haven’t met someone willing to mirror me.

I’m not speaking of codependency, but of endurance and tenacity no matter the challenges.

I crave to have a deeply bonded love that is vital and dynamic.

I want someone who will recognize when the facade I am presenting is a survival mechanism – and to pull me out of such reveries.

I desire to have someone who wants to play and enjoys reciprocity.

It’s been said that if you name what you want, you will receive.

But, how can I be sure I’ve found what I’ll need?

Of course, all of this is just hypothesis.

I still remain isolated as I’m reemerging.

By default, this has become my normal state of being.

And, I kind of like it – because I like me.

Me is fragile…I don’t want to lose her.