Panic

Because I have witnessed and experienced atrocities, it becomes difficult to not lock onto perceived outcomes in data streams’ constantly shifting and realignment.

I have been the target of violent brutality, which was due to someone’s repressed, then expressed, acting out from others’ past injustices put upon them.

I have experienced hope of financial security shattered repeatedly when reliant upon other people’s business whims.

I have received the punishment when others have not accepted their personal accountability. I have had to pay that bill that gets forwarded to the next victim.

I have seen decisions being made, that if I could somehow counter, might avert a future disaster.

Interacting with others can leave me quivering for the bravery I daily exhibit, when I no longer feel confident.

I just get up, dress up, and show up – hoping for the best – and choking on having to accept that it might not happen.

Ehem.

Can I get a chaser with that, please?

(Hand raised to summon the waiter.)