Generosity

I’d been on the phone all morning, trying to broker a minor miracle for our family’s situation.

My mind was buzzing and vision compressing from pushing hard against needing to lay down and give into pain my body was experiencing.

My youngest pulled me out into the sunny garden to see the wonders of golden spider web streaming from distant telephone lines in the early afternoon.

Their brilliant streaks of rippling spectrum were dancing in sequence along currents in the gentle breeze.

After we took videos trying to capture the amazing phenomenon (which I will post in Youtube here later), I found that I felt stuck inside my self.

I began to speak out loud about the sensation and emotions related to it, while my youngest listened.

We exchanged experiences of our perspectives over the last several years, and he was kind and pet my back when I began to cry, unexpecfedly.

“I don’t know who I am, anymore,” is what the shell of me was saying. “I don’t feel that I am worth anything.”

What am I – but a remnant survivor of past wreckage?