Regret

When I had the nonprofit up and running to help our local community find a common middle point regarding where to put a contentiously-issued sewer, one of our members was getting into sustainable landscaping.

During this time, the cormorants had decided that the Monterey Pines along where our family’s matriarch resided were the perfect places for their evening nesting grounds.

Soon, the toxic fume buildup of their droppings became a health hazard for her, for her home was filled with the stench. Not even air filters could help her breath easier.

Because the trees were now also drenched in high protein sticky fish waste as ammonia was destroying the foliage, it was decided the tall and ages old, once gorgeous trees had to be chopped down.

Once the birds moved on for having lost their perches, there was nothing left of our matriarch’s once beautiful seaside-view garden.

I knew that she didn’t have long to be with us and wanted to restore the lovely garden immediately so that she could enjoy her last days gazing upon lush greenery while viewing ocean sunrises and sunsets.

I envisioned her large jasmine bush and other flowers being restored, and was granted the boon of being able to arrange the sustainable landscaper coming out to assist with this.

We walked the property and I told him what I wanted. What he provided was his own vision, with different plants – and small ones at that: sparse and on a laid bare drip system, expected to take years to mature before we’d see any flowers.

I was devastated, as this had been the one thing I was given a chance to do for our matriarch, and she was so upset that the funds had been wasted, and I hated that her expectations had been set up, then disappointed.

I was not allowed to correct the situation, and I later discovered that the family suspected I’d been having an affair with the man and thus had gotten him the job to swindle for him the $600 he’d been paid!

My speaking with him on the phone at our matriarch’s house had been the first time she and her housekeeper had heard me sound professional with a confident voice and engaging demeanor.

They’d never witnessed me in my prime business presentation mode because there was never room for me to show this, when my role with them had always been to play the diminutive wife and attendant to her disabled grandson.

So, because I had charisma and charm, after all, the housekeeper spun rumors against me with my sister-in-law.

After my years of proven devotion to our family, and this failed attempt to provide something beautiful for our matriarch, there was no gain – only loss and slanderous shame – for my attempt to create something wonderful to brighten her remaining days.