Self Redefining

In order to heal the rifts inside of me and no longer live as aspects of self identity taking turns then reshuffling, I am having to allow my pieces to catch up to me.

I do not enjoy this process because what I am finding is the hardened, wisened warrior woman brings the real age of fifty like a heavy suit of armor laid upon me.

I do not want to be crushed by what has happened to me.

I am resilient in my core – just having difficulty in accessing

How is it that in two month’s time my side hair strands go from red-brown-blond to lighter highlights – now entwined with silver?

I have been using a new shampoo since our arrival, and it is stripping away whatever illusions before covered me.

My light is beginning to shine more clearly, slowly reemerging.

Yet, to be “of age” comes with greater responsibilities than I have already had to take on.

I am having to dodge and weave around society’s pre-expectations and the harsh incongruities already experienced.

I am still that youthful girl who had everything time and again taken away from me.

I deserve my chance to shine – to not be relegated to wrinkles and dottering because “Oops, so sorry, time is up for you.”

F*** you, you laughing hyena of a trickster!

I will not be robbed of who I am any longer!