I’m trying to find my income tallies because I haven’t received W-2’s from employers that did not care about destroying what I was building in collaboration with them.
No, I don’t want to call them. I don’t want to renew contact or update my address.
I won’t restart that energy out of necessity and receive more taint from interaction.
This is new for me – just not going to take it or bend for it or accommodate for needs.
There is such a mess of paperwork to reach for benefits to counteract stupidity’s tangling with my life line, countering their “evil” by hearings and plea paperwork, and then self advocating assertions to get the agencies to see what’s been happening as they have been mired in their own disfunctioning.
Yada yada feck-ing yada!
I’m on the phone with my friend who just rides crazy like a champ and instigator in the feelings and understandings of any and all things humans are experiencing as extreme highs and lows in reality.
The relay chatter covers my brain and infiltrates everything, jacking attention – feeding, draining, feeding.
I think to myself, is this good – to push and pull me and take me out of my misery?
We laugh, we joke – we could do anything if I just gave consent to it.
But, it isn’t powerful enough to blast through the tangle of this knot that has been and continues to be thematic in my life.
That’s my job. It’s what I have to do.
I am the captain of this vessel.
I just want to put it all behind me. None of it was me or what I am about.
None of it happened with an ounce of blame that could be pointed at me.
I was on top of it. I had my stuff managed.
They didn’t. I was just collateral damage.
I want to scream for having to keep revisiting it.
When can I just Move On?
Do the basics, turn away – then ignore it.
Candid Corvid Productions 