Month: January 2022

Senses Need Stimulation.

I do everything the “hard” way.

The most difficult part of all was realizing I could not trust anyone, despite my own dependability.

A lifestyle for others who are not seeking what I seek.

I must look to where I am going – not where I have been.

By word, thought, and deed.

Dynamic personalities see my strength and think I can take the hits they throw at me.

No.

No, I can’t.

Get off of me.

Thank you to my friend for the mind sensory and emotional bombardment that for a few weeks made me feel unalone, yet realize that I do prefer the calm, constructive management of independence – rather than the swinging ups and downs of others’ raw chaos.

Why do these invade and the positive ones evade?

Exactly how do I shift my paradigm’s attraction?

I realize now that he and I may be two halves of a whole, born of the same starseed mother, as mirror reflections of each other.

As I wrote and thought this, the clock turned to 12:21am – “Hah!”

It is sad to learn that I was merely a surface for someone to project upon.

I am regaining flow of efforts between pushing myself, and easing down to unwind.

I had moved the abdominal machine into the inside of my bedroom’s boundary, which shoved it into a dark and cramped corner, making it hard to access and depressing to use.

I figured out yesterday what was bothering me about it, and revamped my room’s enclosure to where the machine is back at open access in the front room, facing outside to look through curtains, should I want to.

Things look more bright and airy.

There’s a bird that’s just flown in, chirping outside our building!

Witnessing the recent volatile vagaries in fellow humans, I will not be inviting many (if any) to our home.

It is something uniquely defined for each individual.

“Positive growth and collaboration.”

My PT listened to me when I explained I knew what I needed, but couldn’t find anyone to train to give my shoulder the therapy.

He pulled from his tools techniques congruent to my preference – and wherever I guided and he tried, I could feel my muscles responding!

“I am my own canvas.”

I want someone who wants the same kind of love that I do, who can match me in capabilities, and who is wanting to partake in fulfilling each other’s dreams.

This is the clearest to date that I have defined this craving.

I pick up nuances of language, like imprints upon my mind – depending upon who I am frequently interacting with.

So like, when my phone slipped out hanging from my robe as if to angle perfectly – then fell smashing hard against my forefoot, I exclaimed, “Ouch! Bitch – gonna hurt my toe?!”

And then, rubbed my toes roughly to dissipate the pain’s ache, laughing at my capacity ruefully.

I have waited years to do this, but now is quite possibly the time to again paint my toenails the deep, lush dragon-phoenix colors I love.

Then, when I look down at my feet in solitary contemplation, I will see reflections of my inner beauty shimmering back at me.

“Angel number 1033 implies that everything in life is available, but not everything is necessary because a good life chooses its aspects.”

Grains of salt (“taken with a grain of salt”) at SunSigns.org

The little girl inside doubts her abilities – while the warrior wields her sword without compromise.

I was taught that “God takes care of His own.”

Where does that place me?

It is nicer to be on this side where I can more easily attend to what needs to be done – rather than always being behind and at deficit, working on impossible to complete projects.

I have had my insides out more with my friend recently, than clamped down as I’ve usually been.

However, I made the hard decision I always do to abstain from easy pleasures.

Sheesh – do I really know what’s good for me?

I’m a Fecking Ascetic!