Month: January 2022

The agency will not help with my online education of remaining 13 units because the college is based in Arizona, and my employment suddenly only has one client scheduled. Unemployment benefits are still mired due to first employer’s f***ery.

Job instability seems a trend in my industry.

Dieting can be stressful because withholding food from oneself is stressful.

However, adding a variety of dieting item options changes up normal routines of what I am eating, and makes my digestion think about food in an adaptive way.

In the yeast-free diet, I found it made me even more sensitive to allergens once reintroduced, and realized that I do better if I have a general bombardment of broadened exposure.

In the specific carbohydrate diet, recipes rely heavily on honey. However, honey is a densely power-packed and “hot” sugar, which I do not do well with in large quantities.

I am trying a modified way of dieting where I am selective, yet have flexibility.

I went to the ER again yesterday, knowing I had an infection that needed antibiotics because something shifted inside me and my body began swelling.

After many tests and scans – all coming up “negative” (which I figured would, as they usually do) – I asked the doctor to triangulate what he would target, given the details I knew of.

He finally gave me the medication, and upon my taking one pill, after an hour, I knew we were on the right track for kicking the infection’s booty

I work a certain amount of time and am trying to keep my options open as to what further structure I can build into my weekly itinerary.

I want to go to school, have friends, have a solid base income, and travel.

I would like more opportunities for income where I relax and enjoy myself.

There are certain people I wish to collaborate with, to synchronize and expand capabilities.

I am building what my dreams are made of.

“Evil” has had its time, and now will come its reckoning.

I am not the source – nor even the messenger.

I am just another bystander, witnessing what is becoming.

It is amazing that I still cling to hope for a good relationship, as 75% turns to 85%, turns to 95% doubt that having one is possible.

I will say this now, because circumstances will likely change: it is much needed and appreciated to not have to push myself so hard.

It has been like signing up for a play with the goal of getting a lead role, but getting stuck in sub par cameos which haven’t fit my ideals.

Today during one of my therapy sessions, I was shown a next step unwinding to shoulder torsion tension. The key was in releasing trigger adhesions along the planes of terres major and minor, pectoralis major and minor, and subscapularis myofascial spiraling. The client’s muscle patterns told me what was needed.

I told my friend I feel as if I have always known her.

Like I saw her in high school (though we are years apart) and she was one of the “cool” kids with her “cool” friends – mainly emo, goth, and empathic spiritual with creative ingenuity externalized expressiveness.

Now, the planes shift to where our paths connect in the present, after we have both gone on our own quests, seeking emergence of humanity’s true purpose.

We lament how so many people seem determined to prevent our species’ growth, and I reassure her that our time is coming.

I wonder if there is a natural order and flow to things that I keep running up against and resisting, as I am carried along within streams of intricacies.

(Title has multiple meanings.)

I like it when individuals open up and invite me to engage with them.

I’m beginning to meet playful people who are witty, creative, and intelligent!

I found that if I no longer focused on remembering them, for some reason, the trauma could not hurt me so directly, anymore

I want your world, and I want my own.

“Now, I want both.”

The pain was insane Tuesday.

I tried a prescribed NSAID topical cream – and it just sealed in the heat’s pressure!

For eight hours, mostly non stop, I worked physically hard to help others recover, wondering at what point does the mind snap?

I got a sudden jolting, as if I was readying to go shopping for seedling herbs and vegetables with the coming of spring at the hardware store’s landscape area, where I used to seek specialties like low-to-ground chamomile sprig clumps.. They have an exquisitely-sweet smell when fingers are brushed over the tiny “leaves.”

The many layers of brain’s consciousness can be subtle – to the extreme.

I have noticed that if I am happy in the mirror, I do not see what the crone casts to harm me.

It drives my youngest crazy, and I will admit that I am pushed to borderline, but at least I know peripherally what the dogs are doing, as they focus on accessing any hint of micro spec remnanted almond butter left in the medium-to-small Kongs (TM).

I must begin healing myself.

The online college is readmitting me for finishing my Bachelor’s – eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I must be my own “safety” zone when others turn this on.

I’m sorry Mr. “”, but you’re just too good to be where the others play lightly.

That’s all they’ll have, whereas you are just at your beginning.

When I was in survival mode on the mountain, it was hard to feel settled in my space-? skin-? environment-? I can’t quite explain the sensation of always feeling disconnected, under dire pressure, and of always walking “the razor’s edge” – afraid to slip up by any mistake.

I am good at managing time. It’s just the pressure zones that compress me.