When I try to remember past history lessons learned, and times when my mind swam happily absorbed in knowledge, pressure builds in my head and begins aching.
I had to block myself away from this accessing because it was when I was experiencing abuse, in personal life, and from social society.
I dislike that I must allow this barrier to remain in order to retain conscious identity. I must continue growing creative expression so someday self confidence can reopen.
Not being able to physically vocalize my cultivated intelligence by didactic recitation makes me feel that others can easily judge me as vapid and stupid – when, in fact, it is due to a vital coping mechanism.
Show me anyone else whose gone through what I have to level of such absorptive experience, whose managed to come out intact from it!
Yeah…very few of us have made it – if any.
I have not found anyone like me.
There are tradeoffs for survival – and a “shit ton” of needed ingenuity.
Candid Corvid Productions 