Month: March 2022

Time lag suppression pausing (duck and hunker auto reactivion) between thinking and speaking due to past abuse to the head and body if/when attempted to soeak out loud in childhood.

It’s kind of crazy how the early formative years return and haunt when buffers in adulthood are stripped away.

Yet, thus can become an opportunity to change such limitations now into advantages by pushing beyond prior threshholds into new behaviors.

Speach therapy? Acting class? Reading aloud poetry?

What venue will yield most benefits and activate smooth synaptic conveyance?

Is it merely about building confidence?

Loss of ability to understand or express speech, caused by brain damage.

From Oxford Languages.

I am getting pretty good at conveying articulate thoughts and fun responses upon visual intake to written output.

However, immediate verbal externalization from perceptual environmental intake still requires processing time and/or feeling comfortable during personal interactions.

Perhaps this just means I need more practice.

I was watching a video recently which described obsession as like being caught in a trance.

I wasn’t worried about being obsessed – but realize I have been caught in a trance:

Trauma-drama; focus on project after project completion; isolation reinforcing isolation; and a whole lot of internal negative messaging of “though shalt nots” are trying to keep me “on the fence.”

There is something magical to at last lying down in the evening and letting the self release the weight of obligations and duties that it has been carrying.

I have to say…it does not take the pain away.

When pain wracks my system from physical therapy retriggering migraine spasms, tension strains every fiber of my being.

We reach for the most “impossible” dreams – and because we do, we sometimes achieve them.

While others focus upon great deeds, popularity, looks, and achievements, I look deeper into the matrix which connects all of this together.

Who is the man behind the scenes? What does he truly value and ascribe toward being? And, do these aspects align with my values and beliefs?

“All I know is that I have been guided to connect with you.”

If this is what I choose to do, and these things are whar I choose to pursue, I must no longer listen to doubts nor allow self recriminations.

To stave off loneliness, we fill our heads with it.

In our home quad’s sanctuary, many birds of wild and domestic variety now gather to usher in spring with their boisterous songs and warbling.

I am finding that I like lighting along the kitchen that sources from under chin level and points down onto the counters.

This creates a calm, relaxed ambience with no light bombarding my head, yet I can easily see what I am cleaning and/or prepping.

This also creates a sense of safe, private intimacy for the romantic in me.

I have to do a hard reset detachment to get my mind to let go of these difficult projects after reengaging.

None of them are straight forward and often lead down convoluted pathways defying completion.

I am designed to love, and it is up to me to decide who is worthy for me to invest in and support wholeheartedly as a woman who has earned this choosing.

What we seek in dreams and fantasies may look different in reality – yet, it may have the strength to last beyond a lifetime.

Four years of facial exercises after thyroid weightloss drop and various hardships and my face is beginning to look like myself, again.

It’s been a challenging journey.

Hello beautiful.