Month: March 2022

It is difficult to say what these characteristics ought to be, especially when society and the world around us are constantly changing.

Having a sense of humor, charm, devotion, and honest sincerity seem key. But, how and when may these come forth and openly be seen when we are given little opportunity to connect with a worthy partner?

Men have been taught to hide and degrade their own vulnerability. If they are lucky, they’ve had their virility encouraged to emerge as acceptable – although with a bit of tinge toward being destructive.

But, how does an authentic woman convince a good man to come down from his own pedestal and invest in creating genuine relationship, together?

When I was pregnant with first my eldest, and then my youngest, we lived on a hill elevated above a city at each time in different regions,

Like nesting high in a tree, the view over Santa Barbara, and then over Los Osos, California, afforded me with feeling as if I were watching over the world, sending my love and protection out to it.

Lifted high, I was granted grace of separation to grow my children inside of me closer to the stars so that they might more directly receive needed innate wisdom as their souls transferred to here from The Great Beyond.

I loved and appreciated these opportunities.

I do not speak with old friends very often. Perhaps it is because I am still shell-shocked. Perhaps it is because my life never returned to what I knew back then as “normal.”

I still care for them all, deeply. It is just that I am trying to build a new paradigm for myself, and there is a lot I am having to keep pushing at to make way for me.

Additionally, I am stretching farther beyond any efforts that I have already achieved to reach for important future endeavors. This takes a lot of focus and inner dialogue inside a place of deep listening where I must not be distracted.

At the risk of feeling like I am backtracking, I spent the money that one month’s of storage would have cost and rented a U-Haul to empty the unit.

I did two trips. One took the stored furniture leftovers to a thrift store that donates to an animal shelter, and the the other transported remaining boxes of miscellaneous acccrued back to our apartment to be stacked tight in the front room.

Contained within these boxes are papers and fragments of the past where I had been married and raising young children: their and my school papers; various legal, bill, bank, and school documents; swaths of fabric for costumes and luxurious sheer elvin-type curtains; cd’s, books, technology/tool bits – and more.

These things were kept for rainy days or when we might return to old or begin new projects. Each item has its own value – the kind that once you get rid of it, one day you might need it again.

But, youngling and I have agreed that if we are not using something currently or foresee a soon upcoming need, then we need to get rid of it because each item carries a type of energetic burden just by its inhabiting our space as clutter.

As it is, we will still have the boxes full of photos and creative momentos, but these matter more to our psychology than remnants of past functionality that no longer apply.

God has granted me rights of passage through Hell’s fires others would perish in.

Charred and chafed – my soul more than a little crisped and ragged – I have fought for the day to stand before you.

For all of my life, I have searched for someone to believe in, and though you are mortal and fallible, I believe in what you stand for.

Our ideals are congruent, though we pursue them in our own ways, and in your eyes shines the light of a Sun King – which inspires me.

I asked God about you.

Asked Him to set my feet on The Right Path, and that if to love you was wrong – for it seems I have often been the fool.

All I could feel was the ocean beneath me, deeper than any before, tethered to my heart and lifting.

I am a Wave Runner.

They say that Love is the 7th Wave.

All I know is that it rises, swells, and carries me toward you – for whatever purpose.

Perhaps, the answers for why this is are to be left up to you.