Month: May 2022

It seems to not matter if you are open, honest, sincere; have good boundaries – but without false veneer; and are willing to productively collaborate with good cheer. People will look for anything to smeer – even if they have to invent and project it.

It is difficult to reconcile continued positivity when others betray my trust in them.

I made some great connections today, and have new ventures lining up that might help bring in more money. After pushing against it, my headache begins to dissipate.

As tension clamps down over losing our home base and insecurity adds inflammation to resultant migraine, I cast myself out onto the local seas to connect with more prospective business collaborators. For despite that I still need rest and recovery, we need more money.

How does one keep a sense of calm when keep on encountering buried landmines?

As a health professional, I assist recovering wellness.

As an individual, my life feels often in the trenches.

I will not be pursuing my Bachelor completion soon, afterall. Finding another home takes precedence. Housing instability continuum.

It is hilarious to me how I have worked so hard to get us restabilized, and told myself that I would put off my heart’s desire to travel as a healer, etc. – and this evening we got notice our landlord is not renewing our lease.

No reason why, but we will have a good reference.

We have until August 1st to find a new place – and youngest is looking at our moving out of state!

The Fates, perhaps, are laughing at my attempt to deny my own wings.

I never feel cught up with myself.

What tail am I chasing?

Bachelorette find of a leftover restaurant side salad becomes a bonus forage-find treat for the ravenous.

Having been pushed to the back of the fridge to where its water matrix became full of semi-solid ice particles yields every attempt at quickly munch-consuming results as aching teeth from cold and chills cascading down body.

Overcompensated for now by too-hot ceramic mug placed onto lap – burning – while fork rolls off sproingy noodles as spears too large, hanging fronds of parmesian-covered chicken.

Overall, a “sensational” experience!

Our hours are all over the map.

I still have trouble trying to not judge this.

Vestigial remnants of a prior life where fitting in meant you matched everyone else’s schedules still call to me.

Why do I keep feeling that pull – as if I am missing out on something?

Chasing this feeling never got me anywhere.

I find my life in its own right timing

As a treat before breakfast today (usually, it is after), I gave our girls chewy, rolled up rawhide replacement treats to keep them busy while I continued getting ready for the day.

While in the bathroom with the door open, I could hear our puppy suddenly high-pitch whining, so I closed the door to protect my ears and nerves, commenting to myself that she had really eaten her treat quickly!

Once I returned to the front room, however, I discovered that she had accidentally flipped her treat outside of her crate. Our wolf was near it, lying down, and had left it there for me to return to our pup, instead if taking advantage and eating it!

I was so surprised and elated at this generosity, I mobbed our wolf with happy praise, pats, hugs, and a kiss on the side of her face – then gave her an extra biscuit.

Anxiety and fear of the unknown resulted yesterday in hind brain’s critic negative judgement trying to warn and nail me to a cross for buying food to eat while on the road after starving from efforts expended in working with clients, and later gluten-free graham crackers to meet my brain’s need for balanced sugar reboit after giving so much of my energy to others.

It is hard to address needs to take care of myself while confronting feelings of financial insecurity.

Four days in a row of client therapies after another neck adjustment has produced muscle spasm lockdown and fighting over which vertebrae will sublux while I tryto prevent this by outmaneuvering last night’s tension-compression migraine.

Clearly, I need to prioritize shifting from shoulder to neck physical therapy, but at last my shoulder is progressing (woot!), so I must just hold my ground and attain a neutral balance involving, unfirtunately, NOT doing the dishes in this moment.