Even though I am often on the losing side, I still choose to uphold morality – despite the lack of it in others
Month: July 2022
(Tenderness – General Public)
(Sweet Surrender – Sara Mc Lachlan)
Data Points
My focus has been about survival since 2011 and keeping everyone safe and well. Being on low income for so long, we have had the grace of youth on our side for the pets. But they have grown to be older and are beginning to need more resources to keep and maintain their health.
I rarely get a chance to settle down and enjoy their company. Life for me has been a state of constant distress: I work, run errands, do paperwork, chase loose odds and ends. I have fought to keep our family united, but I wonder now if I need more help.
Pressure
We have many pets. They are our family members. It is difficult to find a place that will allow so many, and hard to reconcile being homeless to keep caring for them.
For The First Time
Last year’s young star jasmines and white gardenias are fragrantly blooming outside my open window as a cool breeze enters to relieve heat’s stuffiness and a mourning dove coos its sweet consolation.
Bewildered
My life’s purpose seems to get repeatedly conscripted by the need for survival on life’s choppy seas.
It Begins
The countdown begins today, a day before the first of August.
I know that it is extra expense to rent a truck more than once, but it is better for me to take apart our established mode in layers.
Maybe it will help ease the panic. Certainly it allows me to take this in stages and get acclimated.
It also spreads out the intensity of labor so I can better manage the load and still attend to clients.
Movie Pick: You’ve Got Mail
Word Of The Day: Disassembling
Taking (something) apart.
Translating (a program) from machine code into a higher-level programming language.
(From Oxford Languages.)
Plagued
She did not consider herself an anxious person, but in these recent years, faith was harder to come by as she experienced tyranny after tyranny.
One-sided
When people are disallowed from working to find common ground, the result is loss at the hands of a user.
Rejection
She didn’t feel good about returning to the house.
The questions of why plagued her, tearing calm apart, twisting knots in her abdomen that clenched and would not stop.
To be ejected without a reason and left pondering how she could have prevented was more cruel than straight-up criticism right from the start.
Morning Reprieve
Many elements played their part throughout the night to lead to the coalescence upon one moment of arrival where she had arranged for the renowned instructor to teach students elegant skills of esteemed etiquette-leisure equestrianism.
Somehow she had maneuvered herself into the position of attending and riding a worthy steed and was scanning tomorrow’s details within the program when he happened by her table, laughing with professional collegues.
As he paused to take a breath before further speaking, her enthusiasm bubbled over – seizing the moment to ask him if he knew of the class and if he would be attending. He was considering the concept before her dream ended…
Spinning
The pieces of variance began to move in different directions, planned by enacting yet taking off onto their predilections. It was hard to keep track of them as worry lines creased her brow, unsure if she was timing it all right with little control of the whens or hows. All she could do was set everything into motion and revisit each grouping to its completion, following the flow through the wormhole.
32nd Degree Mason
In the end, he had given up hope for humanity. Despair had let the cancer eat away at him. He had nothing left to say to his granddaughter as he wither-shrank, once robust and so full of love.
“Scattered Pink”
Being Thick
On her own, she affected a solid stance; a slow, purposeful stride of command; an air of easy dominance sitting back with one arm outstretched over the top of a bench.
In a predator vs. prey environment, confidence prevents a lone wolf being tested for weakness.
“Golden Kiss”
(Paradigm – Bad Computer ft. Karra – Monstercat Release)
Prepping For The Worst
Life has shown me that the good times don’t come easily. Usually, I have to wade through a dangerous, boggy swamp to get to new Utopia’s.
Hahaha – I Am On My Way!
Angel number 1225 tells you that you have done everything right in your life and that the angels are proud of you. You are on the right path to become a good and successful man and therefore remain as you are now.
https://angelnumbersmeaning.com › …
(I did not know that I aspired to be a man…!)
Gathering For The Storm
They look at me and say that I have procrastinated – but, no.
I have understood what this move would require and how it could fragment what I have carefully crafted.
Now becomes the time for action, where before results would not have brought satisfaction.
A Year Later
We are here now, and though we may be without a home again, we are further along our path and in a better city.
I pass an already homeless woman carrying and pulling her bags, weary from traveling in the heat under burden of heavy clothing. Her hair is up in a wisping bun and her eyes are laced with bedraggled worry.
The differences between she and I are few and many: superficial – like I have showered recently – but the angst runs parallel and blurry.
Dignity
The ability to see more than one side to any situation and to not lash out at others for one’s travails.
I did not say it was easy…(rueful chuckle – feck!)
Careful Wending
I pick up the messages that seem good and analyze, then recycle the rest – planning for a future of better prospects.
11:22 – A Shared Life Purpose
The angel number 1122 is composed of the Master Numbers 11 and 22. This indicates a spiritual elevation that runs through the life of both twin flames. Angel number 1122 is alerting both of you that you are ready to manifest a noble life purpose that will benefit you both and all those around you.
twinflameguides.medium.com
The Housing Crisis
A friend informed me yesterday in response to my sharing with him that we might be homeless again that corporations are buying up all of the housing properties
Rather than reacting to his words with the well- cultivated panic induced by those in charge of the continued demise of humanity, I replied with a stoic, “Ah…dystopian.”
The Choice To Stand And Fight
“Taking the pill erases your memories, dulls tbe pain, and lets you ‘start over again.’ Without it, have fun swimming in your broken paradigms.”
I have not regretted taking the alternative path away from medications – only that I have not met many others as determined, so the “still aware” seem a minority.
“Easy Breeze”
“Reclining Duchess And Her Petitioners”
Zoom in…
“Petitioners”
“Reclining Duchess”
Growing Pains
I get impatient and caustic with myself – as if I am to blame for what has been done to me. It is vexing to be operating at only partial capacity.
I should be happy and satisfied by how much I have accessed and utilized; of how mindful and attentive I have been in all things; of how much I have created against such odds.
But society – and unfortunately, available “life mates” – have been brainwashed to disregard the greatness of such accomplishments.
And if a prime directive within me is to claim love for fulfilling my destiny, well…the options and opportunities available do not seem favorable.
I am not like any of the other candidates: there’s been a glitch in my system.
I am proud of it at times, but I am still learning to own it – and I must defend, not trade it in for a pipe dream.
Delayed Emergence
There is danger in reunifying pieces of a rifted consciousness, for in doing so, each may suddenly download an onslought of past sensate-emotional experiences that the other aspects have no seemless ability to process.
The concept being that a once-unified identity having taken many head-shot blasts is barely clinging to sense of its own defining. If pieces just rejoin willy-nilly, there’s apt to be a lot of pain with uncontrolled screaming.
Kicking At The Waves
Soul Mates, Twin Flames, Love Matches – it was all a game for thought’s mainframe to become haywired!
The reality she faced was bachelorette loneliness drinking cool replenishment of thick mango juice straight from the fridge and warmed-up leftover Chipotle remnants.
Responsibilities of ensuring the plants, humans, animals, and stuff all had a place to be during the next bridging transition was not “attractive.”
Guys wanted those plastic, simpering doll faces that changed their appearances every day to keep their inner thighs elastic!
Alien-nation
As the so much younger man went on with manic stars in his eyes, he spoke of his dream of feeling inclusiveness at his own wedding, where the men separated from the women, and each gender had their own party after the initial ceremony of life union.
He spoke of family and community rebonding that was shared and magnified at such events: how the brides were dressed beautifully and revered; how there was dancing and so much laughter; how a money tree was lavished upon for the honeymooners to enjoy and have solid financial footing for the start of their journey.
And the more he spoke of his desire to ride sitting high on the top crest of a convertible’s back seating, smiling and waving while the caravan of beeping ceremony attendants wove their ways through shouting, happy responses from downtown anonymous well-wishers, the more her heart became burdened.
Every aspect he mentioned by default was excluding her: she was older, unknown, and a foreigner. She would be seen as a “cradle-robbing interloper” depriving one of their younger daughters of the opportunity. In fact, hadn’t she already been married and had a family?
As the immaturity of his youth’s doubt tore apart her maturity’s valid worth in standing, heavy shame was cast over her heart’s connection with him, cutting her off from the source of love’s joy and prosperity – relegating her to the view of a sallow future frought with others’ biased judgments and consternations.
Love’s Truth
I know you like I know the back of my own hand; like I know a cool summer breeze’s kiss after the heat’s brand; like I know the will of time continues to withstand. And yet, you still remain a mystery.
Mismatched Agendas
They wanted to assert themselves while folding into what others made of them.
She realized that there was no sanctuary in being a puppet for narcisism’s training.
(Nanox – Singularity)
(Inner Space – Apex)
Master Plan
I have been designing a schedule that will accomodate work traveling. My goal is to collaborate with people who have altruistic tendencies and that have the power to help me propagate my therapy’s benefits.
Principle
I stick with something that is worth investment – even if it doesn’t pay out monetarily.
The Exchange
As the little girl lay on her back, terrified and frozen into catatonia, she cast wide and delved deep into her imagination, projecting hard and calling the woman warrior she would someday become to arrive and protect her spirit.
In the realm of the unseen, two phases of mind crossed time’s boundaries and she was given the strength to endure, though the fortification jarred her out of being able to act naturally as a child again.
Through the years and layers of assault as she grew, she’d come back to consciousness of herself after enforced hypnosis and periods of waking coma, feeling as if pieces of her were still missing.
Until one day after she matured beyond half of a century, the older her turned to look backward and opened her arms to welcome the child self who had escaped through that first portal to reunite with her.
(Forevermore – Yuna)
Out Of Breath
She was not sure she’d make it:
Lately she felt like she was dying.
There are only so many times that
A life can go through same traumas.
It felt like she couldn’t keep up the fight:
She was too bone weary from struggling.
The numbers kept advising her to pray,
But she didn’t really understand how to –
And every poser presenting truth’s ritual
Had been found flawed in their character.
Waking Nightmares
Knowing she was edging up close again to the abyss and remembering how hard it was the last times, she could not look away and could feel the pull of its gravity – but began fighting hypnosis to recognize that this time was not the same as then.
(In The Twilight – Phalaeh)
Unobtainable
She began to suspect she had a penchant for desiring that which was.
(Fun with multiple meanings…)
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