Month: August 2022

“I mean it – I would have ended.
No pressure on you – right?

Well, hey – it’s not your fault:
You didn’t make the world as it is.

You try to make it better.
That’s why I love you.”

I applied to a house for us today beyond what I feel comfortable paying. But, it is close to places we want to be near and has enough room for our family.

There’s nothin’ like being wrecked in stability by other people’s decisions…

The most elegant steed works best with a light rein.

Of course, I would like to be wealthy and no longer living in poverty. But, how can this be possible without selling out what is essential to me?

There is only so much that I can grow on my own outside of it.

“Those that have, have – and taketh away from those that do not.”

I heard the chirping cry-calls first while taking the dogs out for a brief walk near the river. Above me, high in the blue sky, was the suceesfully flying family!

I put my shoes on, before my pants!

I did not think that memories and associations would be set loose in my system along with pain from the physician and his assistant gently working on my hips, yet it seems that being handled by men in this region has a history associated with trauma.

But the one that hit me the most, which seems so simple, is just the shock of my ex husband turning completely away from me with the door to our connection sealed tight as he dove off the edge into another reality, leaving its affect on me.

They can be experienced as negative hits with impermeable barriers – yet they can also be turned into opportunities to rest and reasses priorities.

There was some sort of energetic pall about the place which did not allow for my full recovery.

Now that we are free of it, I am using my own force of momentum to pull loose pieces into a cohesively effective strategy.

I knew from the beginning that you were meant for me –
But I then set aside the truth, unsure how this could be.

Figuring out which pieces to focus upon at what time and in what way to get effects evolving for max benefit is a dynamic engagement of management.

I must proceed as I always have by working around the problem.

I found out today possible reasons for why my hips have been causing me trouble, and that perhaps I ought to have had surgery years ago for a torn hip socket’s labrum resulting from when I had to throw myself backwards into sand at speed from my horse to save myself right after my youngest was born.

At first, I was elated with this news because I recently found out why my shoulder migraines have been happening, and now I know more why my leg mobility has been encumbered. Referring mixed symptoms have had me long-term chasing and guessing.

But then in the evening, anxietal nausea has swept through me because if this is true…well, honestly, I don’t quite understand what my fight or flight is telling me.

Nothing has changed, except that if I want the surgery, I better do it quickly because technically they would not do it on a woman over fifty.

This means that within 6 months this would be happening with about 2 months recovering.

Umm…exactly how then do I provide for my family?

What would it feel like to not be bound to a broken soul – but to be reforged in the fires of solidarity’s union?

An office where each person fills their own role; a salon with only one hair dresser; and me as an independent contractor.

Having overcome the great hump, recognizing the downward shift in time to adjust footing, I’ve geared up for the week by immersing myself in computational data gathering.

I think about what you are portraying (even if it might be just for role modeling) and I am reminded of the greater aspects of my functionality that were blasted by what’s happened to me.

It is not that I became dysfunctional – for I could not have made it this far, had I been. But, it is more like I have been a living ghost of how I used to be.

And seeing you there, bright and shining, reminds me of what it felt like to be vital – and makes me strive to claim that spark again.

Why does bad weigh more heavily upon one, as opposed to good?

It’s because negative actions cut – whereas nice actions try to soothe.

A fortune cookie reinforced that beauty is not from the face, but in the light from one’s heart.

I know this to be true, but getting beat up from others’ callousness gives the opposite messaging.

As of 8pm this evening, I no longer need a moving truck.

I need people in my life who extend compassion to me as I do for them.

I only want to work with clients who extend the humanity that I extend to them.

I am done catering to chronic toxicity.

She knew how to make things happen and how to generate interest.

She’d just been stuck in a location where people did not relate to the same things that she did.

But now…now she was in a hub which embraced new inventions!

“Given the challenges you have been facing, you are doing quite well!”

This year, more people are braving the unknown and returning to the streets to explore their world.

It’s a better time for our transition between housing because we have become locally established.

And though our roots have been unearthed, we are getting used to adapting.