Month: October 2022

He did not like emotions. They shattered his composure.

She embraced them, seeking synergy – and thus was rejected.

My left humerus did its first swivel-snap back into place!

I found a small, reusable, eco-proponant sachel to take to the gym – instead of having to use embarrassing plastic Safeway or Walmart grocery bags. It really does come down to the little things!

That I can be such an amazing, professional healer – yet in my personal life, I am struggling and suffering – is a contrast needing addressing.

What is it about golf courses near rivers?

I must overcome.

We could break down so many conformist barriers between us – it would be hilarious!

You know, it’s funny – because when I invest and invest and invest in faith, there seems to be a delayed response to my efforts as long as I have “the ball” managed.

Now, when I want to bail on everything I built in my schedule that makes sense in exchange for some illusory security, the inner voice inside begs me not to.

So then, how do I get what I have created to give the yields it needs to? Because I sure do not feel like anyone is helping me who is part of the equation!

Maybe that’s just the exhaustion fighting against being sick talking…

In an attempt to “change things up,” I have been trying a new shampoo and conditioner for my hair, which has resulted in making it feel thicker – but meanwhile, has dried it to where it feels crisp and spindly.

The product duo before  have been lovely, making my hair soft, light, and shine-fluffy – but have been a little too clarifying, stripping some of the natural color.

I am not a vain person – in fact, I think having a little bit of vanity could possibly balance out my extreme humility.

But, I do like to have my hair accurately represent me.

(It’s so strange how the product I like reduces volume back to 1/5th of the crisping product!)

It has become unfathomable to me to believe that anything I desire to keep as mine to hold tightly within my arms for longer than brevity is possible.

Like investing in an on-campus Master’s Degree? Pshaaaw…don’t even try to achieve.

The only thing that clings is the past’s baggage – which I need to finish hacking some of these tendrils off from me.

In dragon metaphor, I have determined that I am the type to fly – and though I like to nest at times, the world awaits to be explored.

Stacks of boxes hogging space in our one shared room promise ID documents to release a small tax refund. The problem is, the contents are from those over 10 years ago when the life I had built burned to ground.

Who wants to revisit trauma from the past to gain more freedom for their future? Seems like a trap promissing snarl-retriggering – and yet, this is one of the very few options to help improve our situation.

“No one’s supposed to love you, girl.”

But love is what we are here for…

As I finish feeding, treating, and watering the animals, they each take turns straifing by me or bugging each other, so I state with an assertive, “Feck off, now – you’ve each gotten what you’ve needed!” Then say out loud to myself, “Clearly, I am the perfect mate…” noting sardonic reflection.

While attempting to get video of this tiny chewer that had suspened itself from a tree by a thread, a meat bee landed on my elbow and upon securing purchase, proceeded to begin biting me. Naturally, I reacted – and accidentally dropped my subject!

“Cultured” humans are taught that to gain worth we must be constantly moving – constantly producing.

Yet, it is important to stop, sit under the dappled shade of a tree by a river, and just do nothing but watch the scenery.

A result of attachment to outcomes, unfulfilled.

Once one lets go of attachment to prior focus on outcomes, being sick can provide opportunity to catch up on rest and attend to pressing projects that have been waiting in the background.

Did I catch the cold from our snuggling, sneezing cats?

A temporary win over entropy.

Whether dark, in shades of gray, or light – having it is essential to one’s continued survival.

I know I repeat myself.

It is hard to not do so when thematics themselves keep reoccurring.

The point is to move beyond such trivialities – and I keep working at the problems to do so.

But when I keep hitting sinkholes and find myself back where I previously began (over and over again), I have to let myself repeat vocalize as a last ditch effort before at last succumbing to the madness.

They say repetition is the key to success.

Maybe I am succeeding at going crazy.

Nearly all of my few clothes are black.

One shirt has a hole on the side of a breast. One is ripped at the collar. Two are too small and short. Two are large and comfy but attract every dog and cat hair to where I have a fuzzy front when greet people.

Hello, have you seen my sticky wands? I bought two, but cannot find them in this constantly revolving movement between bags, suitcases, lodging, cars, and appointment venues.

Where was I yesterday and where am I going today and tomorrow?

I think I have lost myself in the constant flurry.