Month: October 2022

Finding potential positives to any negative situation requires effort and an open mind. If one is sick and feeling compromised, this can be challenging.

I find it frustrating and economically challenging when people expose me to their cold, happy to assure that it isn’t Covid.

For the average worker, they are expected to still go in to work, so their pay does not get affected

As a therapist, I am supposed to miss work – which can be financially devastating.

Attempting to be balanced by having a diverse schedule which allows for rest and flexibility is not supported when keeping a roof over one’s head is proportiionately too expensive and work partners are not bringing in clients – leaving the network marketing to me, instead.

I have worked hard to establish a system that works, but carrying it on my own without any guarantees is just not paying – except by what I innovatively put into it weekly.

Adding more official employment diminishes the amount of income I can earn by seeing clients on my own, but potentially brings in better “security.” It also better qualifies to purchase a home because being employed by someone else is what lenders want to see.

I dislike being so squeezed that I feel forced to bend to my knees – limiting my capabilities – when the problem is lack of stable housing.

Where we are, the sun now drops more quickly and it becomes darker earlier than in California.

Yet, it is a more peaceful place: smaller scale – but with more access to desired resources.

I miss the even bathe of light with slighter shifts between seasons. I am definitely a Mediterranean-oriented human.

However, this is a good place to establish a base to call home.

I love you. I just do.

You’re the best that I’ve seen.

You are like me and I believe in you.

I can’t imagine this world without our positive influencing.

We could make an amazing, outstanding team.

Our visions and positioning are better than most can contribute.

Maybe our union isn’t practical when at first assess details.

But for the deepest, best kind of love – we could make room.

There are ways to figure such things out, if two intelligent beings put their minds to it.

Having tried to partner well, only to find that men changed their minds for often arbitrary reasons, she did not feel it was a good gamble to give another man her energy’s time – especially if he was not reciprocative.

They say “misery loves company,” but what I would like to know is can “company” tolerate misery wanting to be overcome – or are people just looking for easy wins without helping each other to grow stronger?

When you are paying more than you should, it is better to think of an amount of this equals an amount of something else.

Do not think about the “waste” that is occurring – otherwise you will inflame into migrained vexation.

(See image of me, currently.)

Look for the little reliefs, for despite best efforts, this is all you can hope for at best.

Rejoice that you got the garbage out of the car and eliminated whatever mystery was creating a stench of rotting.

“It’s the little things that count…”

I fecking hate that all my efforts are diminished to little consequence.

There is no getting ahead – only barely treading water.

For this, I am supposed to be grateful.

“Please, Sir, may I have another?”

(Movie “Oliver” quote.)

RAAAAARRGH!!!

10pm laundry runs and angst-driven cats, demanding.

F**k!

Her mind kept broadcasting distress, loss, and longing, so used to being trapped in isolation and cut off from her own kind that it was as if she were erratically yell-jibbering as his headache pounded from receiving the force of her need’s energy.

I only get stronger – even when initially weakened by pressure’s heat.

Yeah…I am pretty generous when it comes to investing in others and making sure good vibes are being experienced around me.

Maybe I would “do better” in life if I were a bit more “cut throat” – but my “flaw” is advocacy.

I do not like feeling desperate.

Time to shut down and sleep.

It turns out that in applying for housing where they pulled credit scores to see if we qualify, each pull has lowered my credit score.

So, when I went to the bank to see if I qualified for a credit card loan to pay off old small debts to increase my credit score, the higher number that I had worked to attain had been lowered – and now the bank’s hard pull has lowered it further!

A hard pull – whether approved or denied – stays on your report for 2 years.

So our chance of getting housing now under better credit score numbers – which I have worked diligently toward – is officially BORKED!!!

Here is a prime example of why those in poverty in America get stuck in poverty, regardless of their abilities, merits, or efforts.

It’s all about “credit:” if you have money, you get to promote your position. If you don’t have extra money at hand, good luck getting ahead!

When you are forced to live simply, you start getting rid of extra baggage – hopefully the internal, although sometimes that has to wait until you’re stable.

But certainly, what you need to access every day needs to become streamlined if you want to have any patterns.

And, it’s a great opportunity to figure out what is still important to you when you’re having to pick and choose between projects and you have so much to lose.

I had not realized spiders can travel that fast – having just witnessed one cast its flyer web across my windshield, and then seeing it repelling in seconds flat to the speaker box in the drive through next to me! It had.gold and red-orange coloring backlit by sun rays streaming…

I take these daily as I forge into the unknown.

I long for security, friends and family – but what people sacrifice of their identities and accept as confining roles to keep these close is not something that I can do without caution, anymore.

As long as I can be me, comfortable and free to respond authentically without caustic, toxic baggage being thrown onto me, I can be at least satisfied.

Happiness is something I have yet to acquire as a constantant – except in reoccurring spurts of spontaneity that seem too soon fleeting.

I have always had this dream that if I find the right One, joy can be lasting in adventurous ebbing and flowing.

Jumping onto the visage of my construct like an incensed velocoraptor tearing at an automobile’s roof seams – “Why can’t I do EVERYTHING!!!”

Focusing on this or that level of behind-the-scenes reparations (granted at least three units have been taken on this morning), I am vexed because I still have not gotten to other money-releasing projects still pending.

And now, I have doctor appointments to attend!

But, these things I diverted my attention to have to get going, first, so their yield can be ready and reinforce impetus when the money is released.

It is about coordinating for Right Timing – yet, I want to just take the leaps!

The mistake on her part had been loving men who had no drive to succeed nor vision to want to help improve the world.

They were not interested in romance and did not believe that deeper bonding can develop between two people when trust is fully shared and given.

As a result, she had often thought that she must not be of this world in how she loved for all the “normal dulls” she kept encountering in her journeying.

In humility, sbe had thought that she just had to accept less in her partnerships – but then found that she began questioning and trying to wake them up from their “sleeping.”

Then one day, the awareness hit her in a bolt of clarity that there was another like her, out there in the world, also searching.