Month: January 2023

The pain of trying to break through one’s own internal barriers to self while being in pain and under severe external performance-for-income pressure is exaboratingly excruciating.

Had it been infatuation, love, or both that she had always felt toward him?

Maybe it was that he was a font tied into the creative source – a master magician conjuring elaborately beautiful visions.

Maybe it wasn’t about their hearts’ connection, afterall – although she always felt her’s tugged, begging the question.

Maybe it was about the sharing of secret knowledge that was able to posiively transform the human condition.

Adrenal fatigue can happen in a Type-A personality lifestyle, for which there can be certain treatments. Any one category of personality has steps that can be best suited for it.

But what is the healing plan for when you have a Type-C that was trying to not be a Type-B, while rolling too far into Type-A overcompensation – then broke boundaries into constant innovation / super-warrior-like leaps of groundbreaking?

As I realize that I was Type-C all along (which to society is a relatively new concept category), I discover I have now moved into yet another undefined personality.

One scenario after the next about how a good man could break a good woman’s heart – only they were replay conversions of feelings from what had actually happened.

If things begin slowly, will they last longer?

By the time he spoke truth to her, the damage was done and she was too angry to receive it.

As my hands are guided by fascial intelligence, energy flows through me by waves of empathic exhilaration as I unlock unneeded tension and holding patterns, freeing people to reach for and embrace their new destinations.

I used to be more of a naturalist when it came to managing my own beauty in that I never considered having bangs.

Then, I took the leap to have them when my eldest was born as a symbolic moving into a new era.

In considering growing them out again, I wonder what I would find has become of the younger me.

Opening a door that I barred over twenty years ago, I find more than a friend – I find pieces of myself that had gone missing.

Determination, against great odds.

I was Noble.

I was Valiant.

I was Amazing.

The people I have loved have not been easy to love.

Each one has been unique in expressing their beings.

I must have creative stimulus.

I must not only survive – but thrive.

Resilient fumes expend by day; charcoal dust left in the fray.

After a given amount of time, if some important dreams keep eluding, maybe it is time to turn away from them and seek happiness in other avenues.

When I was younger, I used to seek my emotions.

Now, they seek me.

I can stay here, though I have longed to fly.

A life here can be wondrously beautiful.

No simple tale.

Epic, yet refined.

Definitive.

Shell shock descends, making muscles and ligaments tighten from any stimulus – no longer anticipating attacks to begin.

Not constantly moving, monitoring, or managing 24/7 brings to the fore how depleted my energy has become from this last decade’s run.

When I was a younger woman, there were not as many of the supports in society as there are today in certain regions. I encountered much violence, idiosyncrasy, and hypocrisy.

So I decided to build my world around a man that I loved and who had once been in love with me, determined to do all that I could to help restore him to happiness and keep our family progressively healthy.

His leaving suddenly without warning pulled the carefully stabilized pin of success’ security out from everything. What was important fell to the ground, and those willing to help had to be managed warily.

When there is a sudden vacuum, the need to dominate and control in others can suddenly swoosh in under guise of kindness and “rescue.”

Having everything one invested in suddenly burn into ruin and one’s status diminished with abilities conscripted toward fighting for survival can unhinge needed constructs in psychology.

As an individual, it is now very important that I do not ever allow someone to devastate me in this manner again. It has taken too long to gain any recovery.

Two of the competetive athletes that I helped last week won their matches!

I like to think that I “had a hand” in that!

It is important to not have attachment – except for short-term projects and loved ones that you know you can rely on.

All the time, fighting to keep traction so I diminished losing ground.

Seeing my reflection in the car window as pass by, I smile encouraging myself.

I am this now.

It is unavoidable that changes to my appearance have happened.

I do not need to listen to the crone, and it angers me at how much she has siphoned.

My face now shows the strength of my endurance.

I am a Woman.

Tried and proven under pressures.

As I move into this new life, I cannot help but feel twitchy.

Afterall, I had essential needs denied to me and felt stripped of my humanity.

Allowing myself to sink back into my skin instead of constantly being in endurant warrior mode is a major renegotiation.