Month: February 2023

I must comfort myself.

The physical therapist I am now working with understood what I was describing and her fingers found and began unwinding source issues!

Those that felt persecuted by society’s authority for investing in drugs demeaned and discounted the empaths who did not need the chemicals and tried to encourage, instead, focusing on self development.

The difference between us was that empaths chose to rise above fear’s codependency, forging new experiential paradigms by productively using the data they gathered – whereas the “users” fashioned the data gleaned by the drugs experienced into excuses for not doing anything.

The simulation was going quite well in the eyes of the experimentors subjecting the human to continuously ramping up, next-level stressors.

A needed balm is to figure out how to get the brain cell overstim to calm down.

Attempting to hold back while the only way is forward, car repairs, licensing fees – undesired but absolutely needed emergency expenditures crowd with blaring impending timelines, refusing to give way to prior commitments of household required bills and rent approaching.

Why is now any more intense than times before?

The difference is that I am reclaiming a part of myself I was forced to leave behind a decade ago while being smacked by new demands as I step through the door.

(Title Ref lyrics from “Low,” Flow Rida)

When I look at you, I see me and I am reminded of who I have been – and if I could process and dump this grief, still could be.

(tears)

Having followed its tenants and given of herself generously, she had placed her safe-keeping in the hands of one that she had thought could be trusted – only to find herself on the slave market.

Brain spinning from too many external things to attend while training and requirements must be book-ended; sitting down with legs extended as prep to leave; open up chapstick to apply to lips – and the gooey bit plops out of its cylinder to land on and smear your pant legs = sans relief, last pair of clean pants, and any illusion of patience.

At a certain point, truth must be scaled back so that others can accept it.

She had thought to herself that she wanted to know what he looked like if he added something to his ensembledge.

And then from a distance, he did it.

When the pain squeezed me unrelenting, I asked what I needed to change. It was leave standard employment and return to complete independent contracting.

This was a difficult decision because when taking on such a feat, it is preferable to have “a nest egg” saved upon which to have some financial security.

I do not know when I have ever had reliable resources or continuity, so why does the present feel any different when approaching spending?

Up until now I have continuosly taken wild leaps of faith and expected there would be at least a next trickle of replenishment coming down the stream.

But something inside is shifting and I feel more cautious and vulnerable…maybe because I am returning to embracing my innermost dreams.

I worked on a peer that has helped top athletes – and he liked my therapy!

Adrenal output can be seen as excitement, rather than stress and anxiety.

Everybody has dirty eye glasses with smudges. No one gets them consistently clean.

We are all train wrecks – but some of us are dumpster fires.

Climbers will always seek out and take on difficult challenges. It’s in our blood.

Focus on less effort for greater gains.

(These made my evening!)

Some would “shoot their best race horses to save money on feed.”

I do not have time for inefficiency.

My name for a exploration series about reclaiming personal core values, setting aside fear, and embracing healing to strengthen being positive, dynamic contributors to society. It would feature individuals and communities investigating and embarking upon their own custom-tailored personal process of beneficial transformation.

I am doing my best to bundle past issues and fears from/of lack and limitation, pushing them to the side to make room for raw manifestation.

I absolutely love raw crystals and polished stones. They are beautiful symbols of hope that I can hold and gaze upon or into for fractal rainbowed inspiration.

The night before networking, I struggled to find dress pants and bring together a nice outfit for the event.

I could not find a pair that fit me at the stores I visited and when I got home, it hit me how I had nothing in the closet – I mean literally nothing that could work well because I do not have much clothing.

However, I found an extra black jacket in our hall closet that complimented my black clinic outfit, and added a soft, dark scarf for warmth.

Stick to what you know when entering new territories Then you can be Authentic.

I presented well and felt competant.

When I turned 40, I was fresh-eyed and hopeful for the future.

Becoming suddenly swept put to sea by someone else’s mid-life crisis sucked me into a ten year rip tide of fighting for recovery.

Turning 50, 51, and now 52 requires no real reaction except that it has taken cognizant self-differentiating from how outdated “norms” of society want to categorize me.

I am “other” than what is expected to be perceived.

It is my consolation prize to myself that I refuse to compromise as I reestablish my identity.

I am 52 years old.

Hahahahaha!

I must choose arrangements carefully so that I may retain autonomy and flexibility.

Americans have been a part of a “think tank project” which haa focused on ensuring that we are not thinking properly nor productively.

Rather than creating communities of values that insist upon intellectual growth and personal accountability, we are coaxed into a type of waking sleep of consumption meant to keep us listless and wandering.

Who could we be as individuals if we woke ourselves up? What greatness as a nation could we contribute to nourish our neighbors and help them stand strong as our global community?

(Title play with words)

There are some thought paradigms constricting authenticity that I need to modify or completely remove from my conscripted programming.

Creative play regenerates spirit, reorienting disconnect to reconnect internal congruency.

When I was younger, no one wanted to listen.

Now that I am older, my authority cultivates wisdom.

First week back into work, now on my own compulsion, both cars suddenly need attending.

When I think of bills and rent steadily approaching while limited funds get diverted, I reflect on so many odds that I have encountered over the last ten years.

I do not know how I have made it this far when the journey has been so perilous – except by one step after another, and soaring when I’ve been able.

Although some of his forms were breathtaking, it didn’t really matter what he looked like. It was who he was inside that captured her attention.

Maybe I was given those dreams to provide me with a sense of hope: a lure to propel me away from one land – to crash me upon the shore of another.

It is important to open one’s self to a sense of wonder when embarking upon any new (ad)venture.

Embracing abilities to decide my own fate yields power as I harness the crosswinds of change.

Having been a stalwart advocate for love, yet having been beaten about by circumstantial weather as my reward, I realize now that I am bruised and disheartened.

Returning eyes forward – looking onward despite challenges encountered – creates an effect that is much like walking on air and/or water.