Month: February 2023

If you think that you can depend on something, expect that it could be taken away.

One thing about dealing with emergencies and enacting new networking routines is that it takes so much continuous force of will pushing at a bogged down system to get one’s momentum going that when it is time to turn off and rest, the tapped-out adrenals just keep drawing and pumping energy toward impending crash-and-burnout.

This one happens to be inside the transmission, which means it will be labor-intensive to fix the leak, as well as has to include a complete clutch replacement.

For fun – and what turned out to be raucous laughter and giggles – I typed in a google search for actors my age.

I was surprised to see the contemporaries were those I grew up with and have enjoyed watching over the years.

But, it was even more fun and took off pressure to have found “viable” guys in “my dating range” – as opposed to the standard “retirees” who have given up on life’s innovating.

Pulling my car out of storage, I love strapping in and feeling her growl as she takes me jet-soaring.

Before I have the car towed to a shop that will tell me extremes regarding the clutch system, I will replace some fuses – which I suspect may be the actual issue.

The one working car no longer works.

Now when I need to have an easier pace, I can build this into my schedule.

It is nice that all work I do now more directly benefits me and that I no longer feel taken advantage of when I share fair percentage.

It used to frustrate the man I once loved that whenever he would speak of science, I would relate to it through romantic mysteries – concepts of inspired language about how the different realms complimented each other and were connected. I was an inclusionist, whereas he needed to exclude to retain his logic’s supremacy.

I get these when I am trying to hold back my heart from loving someone who is unavailable.

When I commit wholeheartedly to a project, but those in power/control do not reciprocate, this drains my energy over time and I must disengage and go my own way to recover dignity’s integrity.

I feel the mantle settle about me like a spell of safe keeping.

Like it or not, I am being elevated in status and maturity.

I do not need to feel wrong:
It is a concept of “shoulds”

That has nothing to do with
The realities of my situation.

Officially retrieving my supplies from employment.

I can be a real hellion when my patience has bled dry and I am just stuck in quicksand, struggling.

A vicious stream of curses may then be heard pouring unchecked from my mouth as I rail at the forces that “brought me to this.”

But I have not been cursing nor flailing about this time, preferring to save what dwindling strength is rebooting.

An antibiotic pill taken with a sleep-inducing expectorant – and hopefully, a nap puts me back on track to finish my taxes.

It seems hard rebuild when I have lost my momentum due to being sick, and I have to dig myself out of more sticky quagmire pulling and sucking at my feet while the compass spins – no longer sure, itself, which way is North.

She had not known what it was, but she could feel it coming…

I very much enjoy the fact that I can help enact profound, healing change – without causing pain.

Antibiotic intervention and gym time.

Having the luxury to feel miserable and gripey without having to worry about what anyone else would judge or feel inclined to say.

There are no reassurances when one is out on the edge of all that one has known.

Illness, fears, lack, and limitations – these are all just trends in cycles that must be measured as mere data points, without emotional attachment.

Additionally, trends in data points that promise success must be allowed to overlay those which cause distress.

This is a proven way to “haul one’s ass” out of a caved-in hole.

I guess that it should be no wonder that I feel I cannot “see” the future.

It is the hardest kind to produce.

I tend to fight when up against a wall.

I tend to resist when I have everything to lose.

The hour is bleakest when I cannot see light on the horizon.

Being sick for a long time hits self confidence with a low blow.

Bad habits that must become mitigated.