“Dieting”

I do not like this word because of the old shaming paradigm that has been associated with it.

If we “need to” diet, it’s because we are “not good enough,” our weight is “not socially acceptable,” we are “therefore unattractive,” and we are “therefore unloveable” and “unwanted.”

A childhood friend of mine remembers the castigating criticism that the adults in my life used to rain down on me at every chance.

Apparently, I was overweight in their books, but seeing in more recent years how my body has responded to stress, it makes sense to me now why I would have gained weight.

I was in an environment that my body perceived as a war zone from abuse directly or indirectly being fired at me. It needed to thicken up to protect me so that I could feel like I had armor.

How often in life have we heard the chiding remark “you need to get a thicker skin” when people say or do something harmful to us?

I remember a good reason for staying with my husband was because our construct of marriage gave me superficial support within which I could cultivate in life the sense that I was free from abuse.

I had room to reidentify myself and name what was important to me. Our contract provided a forum for me to feel relatively “safe,” and as a result, I did not have an issue with my weight.

But once the marriage ended, I was thrust back out into the world on my own again as “an open target” – especially once my family lost stabile housing. Those chemicals released back into my body as part of my self-defense mechanism.

Being independent requires redefining the self according to one’s core life philosophy, rather than succumbing to the effects of imposed fear and cultural identity shaming.

I like the word “modifying” – or even better, the concept that I am “adjusting” to my new life so that I can embrace “thriving.”