I write and post in order to define and evaluate my inner workings.
It is a way for me to reconnect with myself, process, and grieve.
Part of my healing process is to declare lost faith while seeking strength again to believe.
This is my forum to announce intentions and promote joy for others to receive.
I will state my truths so that I can be properly perceived.
A New Revolution casting aside pretenses so who we are truly as individuals can be tended to and nourished positively. Maybe then, we can end atrocities and killing – for they are unnecessary.
How do I gain confidence in self when what I will commit to for me personally is constantly renegotiable – being erased from the screen in response to daily life tending?
What can I rely on? Who do I want to be? What talents ought I to be further developing.
It seems to just comes down to I evolve to meet emergencies: what is left of me is confused and trembling because there are no reboot defaults to rely upon in my core, anymore.
Much of whar I see gets filtered through a preset of “how will this best serve my family?”
Not a bad thing – in fact, highly necessary.
But, the process makes me continually break apart and grind down any potential for frivolity.
If any interest that I have cannot be picked up in a moment, continued briefly, and then put down again until the next time I get to it and still be able to advance in progressing, then how can it hold relevancy and benefit me?
This nomadic type of lifestyle has infiltrated my programming of what a “normal life” would be.
Now, quite frankly, I get restless if I am for too long slowing down for rebooting energy!
My heart feels like it is expanding with Lifeforce that wants to expand and go exploring.
How do I tend to home needs and yet be allowed to go wandering?
Maybe that’s it: I need more positive experiences to better choose my new directions.
Angel number 1200 is a message from your angels to stop and take a look at the bigger picture. There’s no need to panic, stress out, or worry – things will be ok… Your mind needs time to rest and relax so you can gather new creative thoughts.
ministryofnumerology.com/angel-number-1200-biblical-meaning-symbolism-love-significance/#:~:text=Angel%20Number%201200%20%E2%80%93%20The%20Hidden,can%20gather%20new%20creative%20thoughts.
(This is exactly what I needed to hear today!)
Speaking of my insecurities and where I feel the weakest, the average onlooker would not know this about me – for I have become competant in external navigating.
I had a saxophone that I named my golden goose, but I sold it because I was afraid to play it for lack of privacy.
I used to tinker at the school’s lesson piano, but then realized that my peers whom I wanted to impress might be disuaded.
Singing is something I do passionately when the moment takes me – but then, in public, my throat closes to clenching.
I am too deep of an accomodator – an empath afraid to go further down on her luck.
There is a thin veneer that I rely upon, having had my barriers infiltrated and burned through.
But, if I had a man that believed in me, I wonder if there would even be limits to what I could do!
For I belirve it comes down to insecurity from not having solid ground to stand on.
When it is just me advocating for my dreams, it is safer to chameleonize and keep moving on.
A thrice-divorced radio host and a commitment-shy art curator fall in love, but their relationship is affected by the experiences of their friends and families.
Beautifully crafted. I love the end credits song – and can’t find the audio again in my searching!
It’s Spring Break!
No wonder energies have scattered!
Resting her chin gently on my leg so persuasively.
Gold and blue flames casting heat in their glow, I and the hound and the wolf shared a small bowlfull of canned, reduced-salt peas for the first time this evening.
One by one, pea by pea, they each gently sucked the green tartness from my pinched fingertips and either promptly, delicately chewed and swallowed – or rooted about on the floor after dropping them.
It is moments like these that must be made room for and then partaken of in order to create new patterns of trust between each other, and within our new surroundings.
Like hands to gloves, each needs the other. But, if man is the hand and woman the glove, how can society expect independence from a mother?
It all feels like the same to me – just ten years+ later, more worn as reclaiming scattered pieces.
I have no real reason to think that love will happen “again” for me. Afterall, I never really had it from a partner.
Oh sure, they made some noises and professed some things – which soon after seemed easily forgotten.
No…I am the one who rallied and strove, while they just chose to not leave sooner.
It isn’t the same.
Spent with cats, dogs, youngling;
Plants, house, and bed coverings;
Taken with baited breath as ease
In recognition of current success.-
Wondering when I will feel like
I’ve caught up with my identity.
How to care for another human has always seemed more accessible than figuring out what I need. How does one give their self nourishment beyond what I have been doing?
Every night, I am stripped down to less than nothing – and the next day, I struggle to rebuild myself again.
I have always been a big life dreamer: more interested in the larger picture than the minutiae of tiny details.
Athough I recognize their importance, they can bombard the senses – leaving little room for imagination.
I suppose staying in bed until noon counts as sleeping in, but it sure feels like I could sleep for days on end.
Rousted out of the house by my youngling’s labored coughing, I did not feel safe from viral intake – and thus yielded to their inhabiting.
Out and about, interacting with community, the sluggishness of thought makes me feel removed from connecting.
A strawberry mint and golden oregano – then a semi-dwarf donut peach found for gracing my youngling’s window.
The large area rug we are all fond of and a small TV stand with wheels to glide on met me this morning before I said, “Anon!”
I am still on quest for a long hallway runner to help the hound’s speed no longer flounder.
A combo that when finished with elliptical, thigh, and ab routine helps restore lymphatic movement.
Seeing the 844 angel number means that you are safe. Growth is often inhibited by our fears, but 844 is here to tell you that you don’t have to be afraid. You are allowed to grow and trust in your progress.
(I pick and choose them :D)
It is nice to know that over time, I am consistent.
The more I settle into myself, the more I have fun by myself.
I like me.
I am a lot of fun!
Profoundly beautiful.
I didn’t want to cry to it, but I have to.
Often when and after I post, I worry what people will think of me.
I have gotten such flak in the past for being a romantic.
Confidence can be like a dried-out eggshell, tremulous in God’s grasp.
Fantastic!
“So, you want me.”
It was a statement – not a question – as he leaned against the frame of the door.
The jaunty flick of curl over his forehead did nothing to reassure her.
“How am I to know it is me that you want, truly?” she asked, hoping for a heartfelt answer.
As two worlds collided, they knew each would beg to differ.
A spoon left on a napkin for later reuse; a takeout soup container returned to the fridge after 10pm slurping: these are the hallmarks of bachelors.
The master healers gave me some things I needed – but was not yet ready for. Now, I’m paying for it.
(the receiving)
By writing, I define
Who I used to be –
From shouting out in glee,
To screaming at depravity.
O yon torn-assunder soldier
Staggering across the fields:
I know the trials of recovering –
Like blood on hands has spilled.
Like leaves in the wind, touseling,
My thoughts cascade around me
Left in moisture-warped bindings;
Scattered in boxes and web sites.
I have thought someday to collect
The wanderings as I would reflect,
But there are literally thousands:
What categories best represent?
My foe is me.
My youngling has been sick and spending time with a friend, who is also sick from the coworker who brought it to their workplace a few days ago.
We miss each other greatly and are too long overdue on our popcorn-and-movie binging.
But, they are trying to stay away from me as I am already fatigually compromised.
I appreciate this because lately I have been feeling like I am just dodging and weaving a next catastrophe.
I need time and space to resettle into my bones and reboot my confidence.
In the firelight’s evening flickering, she remembered how she had asked for him – and then received.
My Love,
I do not know how to bridge to you.
Every day, I would be there with you.
Maybe it takes a man’s eyes to see what a woman only internalizes.
Like in the Birthday song, “And many returns…”- or in greeting goodbye.
He looked back at her, gasping a bit to catch his breath as her gaze carressed his flush-cheeked face and delighted excitement dancing in his eyes.
Reaching out his hand for her to climb up steadily beside him, he drew her into his arms as the crisp mountain air flicked whispily through their hair.
Held warm and secure, she was able to stabilize the internal anxiety that had plagued with every winding step they had taken, leading them to this magical place.
She hated how much fear kept weighing on her psychology – and looking up at him as he kissed her dashingly, she had thought that she could never love him more.
Yet, every day, his enthusiasm for life and her craving it within him stoked their fires higher.
Zoom in to see these fanciful lovelies!
Candid Corvid Productions 