Month: March 2023

I have been invited to participate in a healing retreat, which has made me so happy at the prospect of going. But suddenly, my body says “no.” I must repair my adrenal system.

Physically close or separate,
It is connection that matters.

“I don’t want this!”

She should have said it.

She had never said it.

It wasn’t permitted.

Until she did.

He pulled her close roughly, said something heatedly, then pushed her away as he prepared to exit.

“Wait!” she called after him, startled and disheveled. “I liked that. Please come here.”

Surprised, he paused, then carefully returned.

She took his face gently into her hands, pulled him to her, and kissed him.

Many times, I have been rejected by the hands of health professionals filled with ignorant apathy.

It gives me great pride to help release others from pain when I find and release tension that no longer needs to be held within them.

I had a dream where I sat down next to a past boyfriend on a train and he ignored me.

This was the way with him because he had learned to fear his own vulnerability.

My love for him challenged his deepest fears were he to feel the same for me – and so, he refused to embrace me.

The process gets harder as we are older because we know more what to fear – yet, not how we can still trust and move through the pain of healing without getting stuck in the next level birth canal. We need a team of healers to help in absence of our original mother.

It is necessary after trauma to not know how fully one has been injured so that one can recover and not have initial shock overtake them.

I did not realize how damaging the horse accident I experienced over 22 years ago has been because there was no apparent injury to my limbs as I then staggared away from the scene.

However, the force from falling backward at goodly speed – and then smacking hard into micro-pebbled, barely-yielding sand – apparently ripped microtears throughout my core system.

Beginning to receive bodywork and recently taking a lymphatic breath workshop has been helping me realize that my ribs and internal organs are stuck where trying to compensate.

It was always there, just under the surface.

I believed in life’s renewal – how we were born for overcoming.

I believed that life’s magic is in our science – just as nature’s energy embodies wisdom in the trees.

And he…he locked down and refused to believe in anything.

In time, our hidden battle led to insanity.

There was never a consensus from which to proceed.

I have to be released, you see.

I kept my promise: I was faithful to decree.

And when he rose again, he did not want me.

In the old oak forest in the hills of Novato, I arrived with a friend and encountered another.

Pregnant for the first time and separated from my lover, I was confused, hurt, and angry – for I wanted no other.

As I and my companion sat down on bench, I confessed my vexation as if tugging on a wrench.

From a swing in the sunlight and in shade under trees, we glanced at the wares by creative imaginings.

At a higher-peaked booth I received the sending: “Be careful right now how you are thinking.”

At envisioned table, they were gathered and debating: a man was convicting, while a woman was advocating.

She gestured to me and my mind’s heart opened, pledging devotion to champion love once spoken

As they faded from view, I chose the pendant from two which represented birth of a new age from skew

I asked my friend for leave as I felt something coming, and when returned to parents home, I caught the phoned message.

As I drove to the hospital through cliff-winding mountains, a bright half moon beckoned while the stars danced in heavens.

I threw my soul into ensuring he would rise to win – and lost our first, my familiar, and the chance we would begin again.

Were they better for each other as strangers?

Or together, would they enhance humanity’s ascension?

A sign said, “Hitches: designed and installed.”

I thought it said “Niches.”

Would be so useful!

That it would take so long to find a place that feels like a home has been a journey.

I thought I had found one before – but realize now how tenuous those prior connections.

When they first met, she was seeking a relationship – but he was happy on his own.

Then, he sought another’s relationship – and she learned to accept being happy on her own.

I can understand why some women choose to only have loose relationships.

Too often, a man will lose interest after he has gone deeper than a woman’s surface.

Where are the other die-hard romantics?

Former talents rush in to carry me forward.

Adapting to the needs of an adventure unfolding.

The men I have loved all came from some form of broken family that had dysfunction in it.

Is that it, then? Seek a partner who has had a good upbringing?

I came from many broken families – and yet, I still put the work into myself.

Is that it, then? Look for a partner who has put work into their self?

But then, how does one avoid a man’s getting too attached to his ego’s image?

How does one find a man of strong spine, yet who also enjoys mutual affection and lets his feelings show?

Ten years ago, we officially divorced, and the other day, we agreed we’ve reached nuetral.

May our souls rest in peace.

Amen.

She could feel more children waiting to be born, and as her belly began to swell over time, aching in their absence, she began giving up the search for their father.

“She’s so ‘relatable!'”

(It’s a good thing…)