Month: May 2023

Nights when I have the house to myself, I can not grieve because it means that we have made it this far, and my youngling gets to be social while flexing their wings.

I have decided that my strength is connecting individually with prospective clients, rather than mass marketing.

Word-of-mouth recommendations of my services are the best way to build business, although may happen more slowly.

The quest to find one’s self can last a lifetime, but does not mean that we must do this alone.

I have observed and assisted others on their journey, but did not expect to have a personal necessity. It is much to adjust to, and at times a bit disheartening.

I go out and do things, but must be selective to conserve limited energy while recovering.

It is common to have an inner life that most people do not see, but to hide on’s very essence can trap one in relationships, inadvertently.

If not the same as life,
What worth in reality?

Higher ideals, perhaps…
Otherwise unobtainable?

My rotator cuff had stopped responding.

Now we are on our way to reactivating!

I look back upon all of my good efforts where not recipricated and cannot grieve for what was wasted.

Our yards is home to varieties of jumping spiders – and today I even had one in my car!

I shared laughing cajolery today with a friend as we sleuthed as to why I have been pining for my Starbuck’s drink and homemade smoothies don’t make me feel so clear with energy: I didn’t know that my Pink Drinks (TM) were loaded with caffeine from green coffee berry!

When I cleaned out the car the other day, I realized while sorting that I had comparable amounts of Starbuck’s recycling to trash, which made me realize that I have been living as if we were still uprooted.

“I deserve neither such praise, nor such censure.”

A&E’s Pride And Prejudice

Having the grace to accept my current limitations, even if they are discouraging.

Fish
Cat lumbar
Sense of purpose

(Lol)

Where the heart gets stuck
Without sense of purpose.

Why am I so tired? My system just wants to sleep.

I push up into gravity’s weight as I pull my body out of bed to its much protesting.

Millions of followers vs. a grouping’s few: some rate such as currency, status, and influential power – but I am just curious about and thankful for you.

The plants throughout the house had been crowded onto my bedroom desk next to where I slept last night to keep the loosed cats from tearing into them.

Their varietal moisture emittance must have breathed subtle atmospheric scent into my subconscious, providing a dream portal to transport me through time back to a place of once comfort in nature’s environment.

Taking the dogs out onto the green, I came upon a disassembled controller for a drone left in the longer side grass and placed its components on the short-nipped turf for some grandfather to find and return it to the youth’s piloting.

Zigging too and fro, one dog plunged its nose into the edge of the water leading to the pond. I thought with delight “Let’s go see it!” since we were there anyway and we had somehow arrived from one plane of existence to there just by sitting awhile in my car as it was idling.

A woman came out onto the grass behind us as we headed foward to explore the banks further, and I realized that at last the next generations’ mingling had taken over, blending once divided lines of status and prejudice into acceptance with dignity.

Humans cannot stop the waves of time’s change, and though it was confusing to feel the shifted social atmosphere where my grandparents used to live, it gave me hope for the world’s future.

Recording numbers has been like a twitch: a necessary continuity that must be encoded by scripting into my phone’s notepad in order to wedge apart premises and keep them from colliding.

I had needed something to cling to that could represent aspirations, but now I have come to accept the basics that I do and do not want.

And I am recognizing that I only look for and listen to those messages which speak to me positively.

I do not know who it really was that I spoke briefly with, but “He” was right.

Discovering things that I like and pursuing them leads to more and more moments of experiencing pure euphoria on my own.

I have deduced that they are from chlorine, caprylic acid, and boric acid overexposure.

If I stopped relying on food and drinks outside of the home, this would likely assist with slimming.

I discovered that my food insecurity began in childhood and it’s time that I let go of the road.

Reframing the feeling/concept to be like a wall or door reached when we come to the end of what is known,

A place to dump presets
And redefine preferences.

I had come here to share aspects of myself that the average person would not see because I have lived a life hidden from view – and the only thing that I gained was anonymity.

But now, I am not so sure about anything.

What do I want to give? Everything.

What can I give right now? Minimal

I prefer to obtain used blenders because A: they are inexpensive; and B: they are shaped and powered to capacity preference.

The newer ones are too expensive – not formed for utility, but for pretension.

However, it is a balancing trick to get enough blending vs. how much dying motor smell fills the kitchen.