Month: July 2023

“Ma’am, do you know why you have been pulled over?” the officer asked politely.

“No, I do not,” I replied honestly.

“It’s because you rolled through that stop sign back there,” he informed me.

“Oh! That wasn’t a rolling stop – I never roll through a stop sign,” I replied cheerfully.

“I stopped precisely, then resumed going again by catching my vehicle’s continuing momentum!” and I outlined my precise perspective with added hand gesturing.

He began laughing at my truthful cajolery, and in the end, kindly let me go with a warning.

In return, I promised that I would stop even longer because “those university students like to jump out into the street without any warning!”

Now that we let the cats free-roam most of the house, the dogs are jealous and concerned about their positions – and all of the furry, four-legged critters have been testing me.

Maybe it was me all along who was caught in a waking coma.

Apparently the pain in my too-tight lower legs has stored the grief of losing my beloved before we had ever truly begun.

Right before the accident, I was on my way to tell my beloved that I had figured out the problem.

But I arrived too late – or just in time to try to save him.

There was no room to speak of our truth in the face of his free will being so violently disrupted.

So I instead focused on building a life around him so that when he returned to himself, he would have something to call his own.

Yet, somewhere in the struggles, worry, and best attempts, I still lost my best friend.

A concept of which has possibilities.

“855 symbolizes perfect timing for new beginnings. As well as good luck in relationships, spiritual enlightenment, and finding one’s life purpose and success in the near future. Furthermore, 855 has a biblical meaning that encourages us to take control of our destiny by taking initiative with every decision we make.”

https://sarahscoop.com/855-angel-number-meaning-and-symbolism-for-seeing-it/#:~:text=855%20symbolizes%20perfect%20timing%20for,with%20every%20decision%20we%20make.

Things have been going so well at last to where I have recently been feeling twitchy that some bad thing is about to happen.

(It is a product of longterm stress and distress, and I now know the subject to discuss in tomorrow’s counseling session.)

So when I got an unexpected call from my office mate when I thought that all things between us were secure and coveted, dread and panic began flooding my system.

But when I looked at her text as the phone was ringing for me to answer, she was calling to offer me an appointment for massage because one of her clients had canceled!

I like having some version of red dye in my hair because it calls forth my inner fire to where I have easy access to my natural exuberance; the color brings forth the details of my face better; and the hues compliment the healthy, rosey glow of my skin tones.

I need converters for ability to transfer photos from my phone to laptop, and to watch my exercise videos from laptop on the large living room monitor.

A day to defrag.

No one knew that I was wearing my two “new” acquisitions of clothing (which were the highlights of a dwindling monocrome supply from poverty): a pair of fashionable black shorts and a summer blouse covered in delicate blue flowers over a black background.

Observing another small fly’s movements were severely slowing down, I released it from my window screen to die free.

“I need sod…for my sod garden!”

I have several plastic square bins from the dollar store filled with old containers of prescription medication.

Clearly, I need to sort and properly dispose of them, but such a task is tedious.

And I wonder, how messed up would I have been had I taken them when doctors were blindly troubleshooting my then symptoms?

The little tyke, smaller than the usual irritator, moved by short bursts upon the inside of the window screen, seeking a way to return to its natural course of living.

So while it was stuck between partially slid-open glass and mesh, I carefully removed the screen and released it before it could become frightened and fly back into my bathroom.

When we first met, it felt briefly like kismet – until he said out loud how happy he was that I was a brunette.

Feeling elated, myself, at our chance meeting, I playfully informed him that, in fact, I was a natural blond with blue eyes from California.

Upon hearing this, the door to our proceeding was abruptly barred shut to me because he was afraid of his family teasing him about my origins.

I have seen myself stripped time and again down to just the bare bones of my humanity and have felt so raw, so vulnerable, that I can not fathom how realistically a worthwhile man would be able to step up – let alone would want to better shelter me.

When I am “under assault” again, I think to myself, “I must never let someone be able to get this close to me again,” as my confidence is shattered and hope for a better future is destroyed.

Being a parent and healer puts me in a constant position of careful recalibration where it is never fully a relax-and-let-go situation.

Thinking that I could find a partner to “let down my hair with” can seem like pure fantasy when I have not met guys of equal or greater capability.