Month: July 2023

“She’s a Dime,” means “She’s ‘A Perfect Ten.'”

A compliment given to me once several lifetimes ago.

But unfortunately, another saying goes, “A dime a dozen.”

Survival fatigue.

I wanted my ex-husband to be happy.

I gave everything I could to help him overcome his/our difficulties, but he wasn’t.

Then in a dream last night, he called me on the phone to come over and meet his new, younger girlfriend (dream, not reality).

His elation and captivation with her emanated through the airways with such purity that his feelings were infectious.

I could feel my spirit expanding with love at the fact that my dearest wish was coming true – my once-beloved was at last experiencing supreme, unfettered joy and was sharing it with me.

But wait.

Record scratch.

It was technically at my expense.

He was discarding me.

Trading me.

In self defense, I began yelling.

I was then pulled into that situation and made to experience their perfect bond sensorily, so I began fighting back, emotionally.

And the corruption of that perfect moment for them caused her to go away and destroyed what they had briefly gained.

And now we were all left with nothing.

For he still did not want me.

And I was still hurt and angry.

Well then, “F*** It.”

Let them be happy.

My hair’s true color begins to come through again as with every shampoo the dye washes free by degrees.

I only use temporary because my many phases need freedom of their turns as a part of my reemerging.

“The number 1144 meaning combines stability, prosperity, love, freedom and the ability to trust yourself.”

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/1144-angel-number#:~:text=But%20overall%2C%201144%20is%20a,and%20trust%20in%20the%20universe.

I get a day off at a woman’s retreat!

It is nice being in a community where I am appreciated.

Can be seen as foolish.

Taking time to apply a seat cover, and half of it falls into the toilet bowl.

(Deadpan – near literally, lol!)

She wanted to love
And to be loved.

(Title play with words)

He impressed her with his kind
Strength, intelligence, generosity.

Today I heard a man around my age speaking to his older female relative or friend as I passed by their waiting floor on the stairs.

His speech and accent, the kind and caring patience in his voice meant to soothe and reassure her, was elegant.

So I went back and asked him what lamguage he was speaking, and complimented him.

I have always been specific.

It is no big thing, actually.

Except where it counts.

I loved him.

He was an outlier like me.

I learned so much from him.

I am not sure if he learned what I was teaching.

Family dynamics never seemed safe, especially with those members that desired to claim authority.

Because I could suddenly be vivacious, engaging, and charming in business by phone, his family became certain that I was having an affair.

To free my mind so that
I may respond naturally,
And to playfully engage.

I have been told to not rely upon a man because he cannot guarantee his actions.

Then why am I designed to fulfill the role of carrying my half, if it has no match?

I thought it was related to exhaustion – this boggy down feeling that has taken over me.

However, I think it is the fact that our lives are returning to a sense of normalcy that I have not experienced since around 2005.

Now that I can look around a bit, I feel the loss of close companionship and extended family more keenly.