Month: July 2023

On this day so many years ago, a man and a woman bonded with and fell in love with each other.

This anniversary every year was to represent their breaking free from a negative past and choosing a positive life together.

On this day, today, I can finally lay to rest that lost dream.

We figured out some of this complex
And realized we are best distanced.
Truth, for itself, can be satisfying.

No longer needing anyone in order to feel happy.

But, this state of being can still be at times very lonely.

I am not referring to a particular person in this last writing, “In A Land Of Injured Men.”

It is simply the curse, the spell I seem to be under, where I have been unable to find a man wanting to be awake and vital like me.

There are so many ways designed to work on a man until he gives up. They work on a woman as well, as they have worked on me.

But, I am still pushing back and trying.

I am alive and brightly burning.

The man I have wanted to love haa been hiding deep inside of himself – and I can’t reach him.

If and when I have stayed to try to share in relationship, I am interacting with defensive patterns.

This becomes a loveless situation, a dangerous for the hearts and mutual psychology propagation.

For if the man I love is not present in his awareness, he is just reliving and recreating his nightmares.

I am not seen for me, but am subconsciously tracked, accused, and guarded against.

I am manipulated and past wounds are misinterpreting my every move and word as transgrescence.

Wherever I have gone, wherever I have sought, this phenomenon is all around me.

I arrive – and the damage has already happened. It’s just a matter of at what stage the corruption is progressing.

I have been walking in a time-space continuum of zombies, watching their starving, lifeless corpse bodies writh and reach for me.

They can not discern truth anymore. They can not accept love to be healed and be set free from the injuries sustained before me.

Not from me, anyway.

Because I struggle to stay awake – and they see me as a threat and either fight with, avoid, or try to destroy me.

(Waking up from a dream that showed this to me.)

One day, the extreme flares of pain relinquished their hold on her, and returned to the realms of normal flux levels.

Seeing an adult buck with antler display in the middle of town on eve of the moon shifting to the full buck moon seems to be a very positive spiritual sign for me.

Create your own space where you can stand proud so that when friends and loved ones come to call, you can greet them with open arms.

If you do not like what you see, strive to be the you that you visualize and idealize.

Violence and intimidation are wrong and are no longer needed as a part of the human paradigm.

In those few precious moments, he was authentic with me.

That’s what has stuck with me.

I loved him for his brief vulnerability – and the strength it took for him to walk away.

I have been smiling more from my heart these days.

Hey man, I was just getting a new routine down!

Are you fecking kidding me?!!