Month: September 2023

We got to rest up, had a good show, friends visited and hugged, and we acquired more minerals!

I have been having a snip of “bad attitude.”

I feel a sense of disillusionment which seems too all-pervading.

Maybe it is just from the physical setbacks of the accident.

But it is also something that’s accumulated in my over fifty years of living.

I am bored.

Restless.

Not much is inspiring me in the common day interactions with other people and community.

I make the most of tiny opportunities.

But it’s like I have done all of this before.

I try to be comforted by the reemergence of familiar social patterns now welcoming me in this new land.

There is water, lush greenery, and an almost willfully-ignorant innocence abounding.

Not everything has yet been corrupted and tainted – which seems opposite to California’s demographics

There is hope here to create something endurant.

But I am disoriented and the space around me feels “empty” – as if who or what I need to add to and/or accompany me is not actually here.

I guess I still feel as if something essential is missing.

Like a lifemate or greater purpose to be pursuing.

Maybe I somehow carry the seeds of its fruition inside of me.

Meanwhile, absence of its embodiment has me in a fowl mood.

I’ve begun growl-chuffing.

https://myodfw.com/wildlife-viewing/species/snakes

When I was younger, I would “just roll with it.”

I’d pick up the slack “for the good of others,” even though “robbed” of the supports I was promised.

But I just don’t have that kind of patience nor energy to spare for such sacrifices anymore.

For my having to put more effort toward something than I should while recovering – only to have other people not pull their weight and, in fact, add more stress and pressure to it – is not something that I want to invest in further.

They tell me to take it easy – and believe me, I am careful to stay within my limitations’ parameters.

But because I test and push the thresholds, there are levels they’d be surprised to know where I’m progressing.

It turns out that the hybrid rental vehicle also has a sun roof. I had not remembered to use it!

There were dozens of wild, young kittens that I had to gather and save. All of them purring and happy, and a momma cat or two to accompany.

One can choose to explode in frustration and be productive – or explode and not be productive!

Undervalued.

So far, it’s been for holding – and then regaining – ground. Advancements are transitive and relative.

I have supported in relationships through harsh challenges.

But as soon as I needed in return, I was spurned.

I am looking for symbiotic – not parasitic.

Movie Sinbad And The Eye Of The Tiger

When we moved to “the mountain,” we found ourselves feeling stranded, cut off from our usual activities, and stark-isolated.

Soon after, the rest of the world seemed to join us due to enforcements through the Pandemic.

I had worried that society would outpace us – but instead it slowed, which allowed us to catch up to bridge again with it.

I gotta have my Sash Sass.