Belief was one thing that I had.
Did the Angels thus value me for it?
It must have served me well, though desired outcomes failed.
I still feel that all we wanted could have succeeded, had he and I collaborated.
But it couldn’t be helped when his intentions worked to counteract.
He just…didn’t want it.
They say that “numbers don’t lie” – but of course, this depends upon who’s manufacturing them and who’s interpreting.
And are we adhering to a status quo, so that we do not draw any negative attention towards us?
When I seek for signs of guidance, I am really looking for my own internal paradigm’s reinforcement.
If the numbers only skew, I seek elsewhere for my truth’s adornment.
(Title play with words)
What should she focus on in this last day of the business week?
What was most important, and did any of it really matter?
There were so many choices – and she pushed against the threatening pressure to make space in her head for thinking clearly.
“Anything you do will be worthwile,” his lingering presence reassured her, as if he was there as her mental patchkit for accessing.
Had she become broken then, after all, as last night’s worrying while singing to a song had prompted?
If she willed her insides to become more still, maybe the right path would reveal its shining glory.
(Title play with words)
She was naturally resistant and proud, as if putting her psychic foot down firmly would help to reestablish sense of any solid ground.
He picked her spirit up gently to stand in front of him, waiting patiently for her “spine” to lengthen and her “legs” to reactivate energetically.
“Get your day going,” he softly encouraged her – and her consciousness was pulled forward from the night’s deep dreaming into the day’s tasks awaiting.
There was longing in his voice as he sighed out her name – and a question – as she turned away down the pathway to her car where she could see its outline dimly lit in the late evening shadows.
Or had it been a request, thinly disquised?
Yet, cloaked it had been, which she could not then be certain of his feelings for her, so she dared not reengage to embrace him and become entangled.
After the movie fades
Unsatisfying and discouraging
One wonders at the point of watching
When night’s already become early morning.
Maybe “good enough” is actually enough.
I need to sell my old car to reduce bills, but I feel stuck in proceeding.
It was there for me through my attempts at recovering my life’s stream.
The masters often say that we stand in the way of our own solutions.
Yet, even they are still learning what it truly means to be human.
The year things began to disolve in my marriage, crows and hawks nested on our property and had their babies – a sure sign of blessing and welcome from nature’s community for our family.
But when one partner of a pair welcomes signs of hope, joy, and confirmation of prosperity while the other for whatever reason turns away from such positivity, their bond becomes destined for separation.
I think about certain opportunities and realize that time may be limited – therefore, I must make the best of them while I have gained access.
Much about this word tends to be attached to past associations, where a new opportunity meets some sort of reinforced bias.
It is hard for me to say that mine are enough.
In my workouts, I keep focusimg on reactivating deep core attachment muscles (however I can reach them) and decompressimg my spinal column.
It is my hope that by continuing to do so, I will retighten my spinal ligaments and somehow realign my disks back into their “sockets.”
(Title play with words)
At last, my neck will also be investigated.
I’d like to think that I am making progress…
A form of it, having mopped and cleaned the back end of our house after two months of avoiding due to accident.
Today, I am paying for it with nerves flaring and tendons stick-twitching.
It might be worse, tomorrow., due to delayed effects as come with physical activity.
Nothin’ like being fried by synaptic overstim haze!
(This could be categorized as black comedy…)
Zoom a bit to see its “arms” on left of center.
Hovering low center.
They say that healing occurs over time, but mine seems slow to come. I get the feeling that it is working on many levels – hidden from my own inner eye.
My neck’s structure is arced too anteriorly interiorly, which may be contributing to disk issues as pertains to my neuropathy.
Since I have not yet received adequate cooperation from care specialists to begin addressing this, it behooves me to attend to the region innovatively, yet cautiously.
Projecting what it might be like, and then shifting behavior’s course to experience congruency.
The doctor is waiting to investigate my neuropathy until the back injury is analyzed.
His reasoning is that the neck will remain malpositioned until the spine is stacked correctly.
(Title play with words)
It was not easy hearing that I might have a blown disk requiring surgery. MRI’s ordered will soon reveal the tale.
I had asked for “an intervention.”
You know, like praying.
Yet on the day of the accident, I felt extreme anxiety.
Smoke from fires in nearby regions was hazing the local atmosphere thick down to the ground, making it hard to breathe, think, or see clearly.
My parents had just bought me an airplane ticket to visit them and I was worried about the timing of leaving my family.
When we had lived on the mountain, isolation made fears like the potential of fire suddenly spreading a grim and desperate reality.
I was wrestling with the odds and felt picked upon by the smoke energy’s chaotic influences.
It felt like forces that were once trapped in time’s matrix had been suddenly released by the fire’s combustion of matter.
I could feel the energies running rampant, like some great beast swirling, greedy and hungry to influence and devour everything.
I had to leave the house to escape the psychic bombardment grappling at my psychology.
And thus, I inadvertently found where the energy was free-flowing, thinking that by going straight to my physical therapy appointment, I would be securing a “free pass” by clear intentioning.
But the beast caught me at a stoplight, where I was forced to stay still while the opposite flow of traffic began resuming.
At least I saw the car coming from behind about to hit me – and could jam on the brakes so that the impact would not hurt anyone in front of me.
But this camel got suddenly “pushed through the eye of a needle.”
Yeah, that’s me.
I always try to be an “acception to the rule.”
Now, I am back in the realm of the “In-Betweens.”
I have to laugh because revisiting here is becoming another thematic.
Maybe I should just stay here.
Stop struggling and aspiring.
The scenery is lovely and the people seem to be genuinely caring and receptive to my being friendly.
Meanwhile, I am gathering resources to rebuild my ship’s integrity.
But my body’s strength got left back there on the street’s pavement.
Maybe if I keep driving over the spot, my scattered pieces will return to me.
I can’t go backwards in time, and I can’t make any external commitments while I’m healing.
And I do not know what the future holds for me.
What Phoenix Fire of rejuvenation can redeem?
I am working on generating magnetism.
How do I become physically vital like you?
That’s just it, though.
It seems that I can’t.
My efforts keep getting thwarted.
And I am forced to diverge from course, again.
I keep having to self isolate.
Even as I reach for shared truths.
I find only my own limitations.
And a determination.
Unyielding, yet adaptive.
Are we anything alike?
I hoped to one day matter to you.
But I am only a bright star on your horizon.
Flickering and fading out of view.
We are reliant upon Earth, and she is reliant upon us.
Her resilience promoted ours, and we have flourished while she was pillaged.
The human race must not outpace Earth’s ability to regenerate, or we will lose everything.
She is now tied to us, as we are bound to her for our sustenance.
We must find and promote a new balance.
Positivity Into Action
(I hereby claim the name!)
When finances begin dwindling like a wave’s force ebbing, I look around to see what project awaits finishing to regenerate momentum.
Music is what I am pursuing at the moment, to get initially fully regrounded into it.
It has been the natural source of light and love in the air that keeps me alive and responsive.
I feel so much better, here.
Like we are honed into the accurate data.
Straight shot to the heart of the matter.
Where absorptive learning is inevitable.
There is no wayward diversion – only embellishment.
She was battered and bruised
With wings crimping-spasmed.
Would the others of her kind
Still acknowledge her as kin?
She had only yet experienced
At best, haughty indifference.
Close, but not enough
Grounded, out of touch
The spells that had held
Her chained earthbound
Distorted assessment
Of her optimal ranges
Brainwashed to feel less
Restrained from her best
It took mistakes to learn
To trust her own instincts
And avoid limiting her flight
When elegance was inherent.
Candid Corvid Productions 