Crossed Wires: Paperwork And Needs

Waking up this morning feeling emotionally flat and tired – just too heavy in spirit – was not my ideal way of greeting the New Year.

Likely due to nerve pinching and compression (possibly also after-effects of impact concussion now entering phase of brain disruption’s recallibrating), I am way too sensitive to opposites and opposition being today’s thematics.

The stack of unappealing paperwork looms for this first week of New Year’s ushering.

No amount of benefit promised on the tail end can coax me forward to begin it.

My diet is also disrupted due to prepping for more upcoming procedures.

And meanwhile, my hound has increased bombarding me with psychic disatisfaction as she hunkers and cowers because she knows she is being naughty for trying to manipulate me.

She has increased this mostly when I am food prepping. If she had an endurant delectable to chew, she would be distracted.

But she too quickly blows through everything food-based with an expectant attitude of “keep it coming,” and a meaty bone would get grease all over the carpet.

She is resisting our usual understanding and trying to push me to point of negative attention.

But, I do not want her to be the catalyst to my exploding, which would just reinforce her behavior and make me feel worse.

I am not ok right now.

I need reassurances, not incessant overstimming – especially with extreme groveling because she wants to show her submission while leveraging.

Her bahavior is giving me a complex like I’m an evil overlord denying her – and extremely vexes.

Feck.

Is this succumbing to depression?

To be just so drained from managing pain that I don’t want to deal with certain things, anymore?