The fact that many men continue to prefer and pursue “unjaded innocence” and “perfection” of beauty in a female is an insult to women who have proven their worth, bear the scars of real world survival, and more deserve the regard of mutual admiration.
Month: January 2024
In The Trenches
We fight back a lot of insecurities.
Vitual Reality: Engagement [2]
“What happened – how did it all fall apart?” he offered.
“Do you really want to know? Or are you just being polite to help me feel comfortable?” she inquired, wanting to better understand his interests and intentions.
Grounded
A bird unable to use her wings properly is a sad thing. Thank goodness for technology!
Going With The Flow
(Dreaming – Blondie)
Moral Ambiguity
To what lengths and levels are within tolerances?
Testimony
She was raised in a land of ignorance and trees.
They cut down the trees.
(Pieces – Rob Thomas)
Explorations: The Polyvagal Theory
The polyvagal theory proposes that the evolution of the mammalian autonomic nervous system provides the neurophysiological substrates for adaptive behavioral strategies. It further proposes that physiological state limits the range of behavior and psychological experience.
Youngling’s Feedback
“Thou hast translated a slow-panning camera scene into writing.
Well done!”
Virtual Reality: An Evening Out [1]
A wall-mounted, dark green glowing lamp anchored low, surrounded by a sea of deepening purple which phased by degrees of furthering shadows into the adjoining alcove where a broad-shouldered man sat hunkered in front of a dark-moded monitor.
Buzz of electricity faintly hummed when the CPU’s fan occasionally switched on – then off again as the man’s only movements were to shift slightly, adjust his glasses, and laugh softly with pleased mirth in response to the screen’s activities.
Dreamstate
It had happened again, this feeling of half-lidded shutters enveloping the upper part of her brain.
Was it dopamine flooding? Or pure associative memory sparking arcs?
Drunk on a walking hallucination, imagination’s entrancement ached to let her break wild.
Janelle Monae & Production Team Explains Making Of “BaBopByeYa”
(BsBopByeYa – Janelle Monae)
She Had
An air of independent composure.
(School – Supertramp, 1974)
Nature Vs. Nurture
I remember the song, “Down On The Corner” by Creedence Clearwater Revival, as one of the compositions explored in a music class that I had in elementary school.
I was so excited to have the highly emotionally intelligent female instructor deconstruct it for us and give us parts, as I thought that at last I had found a suitable mentor.
And then I was extremely crushed when she looked at me and wrongly assessed that I had no talent because I did not come pre-packaged and pre-approved as a child from a rich family.
Perhaps the mental blocks I have experienced in my life are not from some undiagnosed clinical mental retardation condition, afterall – as had been repeatedly asserted by “adults” and “peers” alike throughout my formative years.
“You’re just stupid, Athena. Not worth our time.”
Perhaps it is just remnant sludge-programming from all of those who pushed and shoved at me as they jostled for societal status while vying for their own worth-proving.
“If you crush others on your way to the top, then you have less competition to get there” – right?
I also remember the profile photographer in elementary school, and then later, the orthodontist in middle school in an entirely different part of the state both telling me with judgemental disgust that my face was flat.
As if this was a flaw and hideous.
Note that an owl’s face is shaped similarly to fascilitate its ability to gather sensorial data.
And, the goddess Athena’s totem is an owl, so I am proud of having both her name and her totem’s abilities to degrees.
Jane Eyre (A&E Movie): Discussing Love
“Have you ever been jealous, Jane?” Edward asked.
“No, Sir,” she replied.
“I thought as much, because you have never felt love.
Your soul sleeps.
But there will come a day when you find yourself totally helpless…a fragile wreck in a storm of emotion.”
“You make love sound unpleasant,” Jane countered.
“It is all consuming.
And when it is reciprocated, it brings the greatest pleasure.
And I do believe we all have a right to get some pleasure from this life – don’t you?” Edward asserted.
Skimming
She had a tendency to see through insignificance and catch the sense of what was of main importance.
Stages Of Being
It wasn’t that she needed to learn any of the major lessons – for she was a quick study and automatically intuited a great deal of what was important.
Rather, it was that she needed to allow herself to go through the process of experiencing being human, and wait for others’ abilities to catch up to her’s.
The Crutch
Self-preservation by self-protection in pushing away while scoffing to create distance.
Nerve Pinch Rebellion
I will go lift my arms high to fashion the netting enclosure over the cattery, and pull around heavy soil pots to rearrange my garden.
If I am going to hurt – let it be for good reason!
(And then I will stretch-repair in the gym – Ha!)
No More Work!
Though accused
As I shirk the work
To decrease nerve pinch as
Hitch my ride away from it,
I just can’t afford
To care anymore
As seek relief
Long hidden
From abuse to
Body unbidden.
Crossed Wires: Paperwork And Needs
Waking up this morning feeling emotionally flat and tired – just too heavy in spirit – was not my ideal way of greeting the New Year.
Likely due to nerve pinching and compression (possibly also after-effects of impact concussion now entering phase of brain disruption’s recallibrating), I am way too sensitive to opposites and opposition being today’s thematics.
The stack of unappealing paperwork looms for this first week of New Year’s ushering.
No amount of benefit promised on the tail end can coax me forward to begin it.
My diet is also disrupted due to prepping for more upcoming procedures.
And meanwhile, my hound has increased bombarding me with psychic disatisfaction as she hunkers and cowers because she knows she is being naughty for trying to manipulate me.
She has increased this mostly when I am food prepping. If she had an endurant delectable to chew, she would be distracted.
But she too quickly blows through everything food-based with an expectant attitude of “keep it coming,” and a meaty bone would get grease all over the carpet.
She is resisting our usual understanding and trying to push me to point of negative attention.
But, I do not want her to be the catalyst to my exploding, which would just reinforce her behavior and make me feel worse.
I am not ok right now.
I need reassurances, not incessant overstimming – especially with extreme groveling because she wants to show her submission while leveraging.
Her bahavior is giving me a complex like I’m an evil overlord denying her – and extremely vexes.
Feck.
Is this succumbing to depression?
To be just so drained from managing pain that I don’t want to deal with certain things, anymore?
Pain And Suffering
These things are relative.
It’s what we choose to do despite them that makes us stronger.
Now, where’s my medication?
Ha!
😀
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