I’m beginning to feel my adhesed puppet strings.

Dissatisfaction with the process and implied outcome.
Sinew tightened as jerky cord,
It’s a wonder if any movement.
(Title ref to a Fleetwood Mac song)

Additional effects by raindroplet window.


“Zoom around a bit, brother…”
“I am not ready….and now I feel as if I never again will or even can be,” she replied, afraid and confused but risking to speak with open honesty.
“Well,..I guess it’s up to me to help you feel differently,” he countered as an eyebrow quirked impishly but seriously.
And for the first time, she felt a glimmer of hope begin to wtiggle out from the rubble under which it had been burried by life’s prior catastrophes.
“I have come for you. Are you ready?” the man of her dreams informed her upon his arrivsl.
She stopped what she was doing and just looked at him, dumbfounded.
I don’t know how I could participate and still be myself now in a relationship.
The excellent qualities I contributed in the past were turned against me.
If all I may ever truly rely on is myself, I must defend my autonomy.
The patterned arc’s projection places me midway to completion, where the battle is in full swing over what influences shall dominate my reasoning.
Meanwhile, I must reach for next stages of prospective internship and grants despite insecurities.
I must lay the groundwork for transition long before I’ve acquired capabilities.
Will holds its own while forces attempt to dethrone inherent right to claim one’s home within mind-body connections
Creates an inflexible intolerance of outside influences attempting to manipulate my decisions.
I remember who I used to be, but I’m not that same person anymore.
“A friend commented today that dogs have been bred to love and serve man.
I acknowledged this and then added, “‘So have women.'”
We are taught that if we reach for more, we will be punished.
From personal experience, I wish I could say this wasn’t true.
All I can say is keep believing in You.
When one buys something, the resells it in order to be able to buy something else.

As I dug around in the drawer upon looking at the pile of dirty dishes awaiting my attention, I found one waiting within there clean to send me on my way.
My eldest lovingly and jokingly calls me eccentric, and is it strange that we consider this a compliment?
Why is it that when something is in the eye, after rinsing it, it feels like now there is more gunk in the eye?
After letting the dogs out, I shuffle into the bathroom to face what the night has done to me while sleeping.
Waiting until I finish brushing my teeth, I daringly look up and chuckle ruefully -” Ah, this is what I begin with today!” as I give myself a knowing look of enduring.
I begin to realize that it’s not about me and any perceived “flaws” or “failures.”
It’s that the energies often around me keep beating upon my fortitude, plying their wiles as attempting to reshape the face looking back at me.
Ever since he announced his girlfriend, if I dream of them both in my vicinity where we are interacting, my clothes suddenly disappear.
And in both cases, whether it was creating art or obtaining replacement apparel, I avert my own attempts to compete.
I can only win in my life by just being me.
It is not warm yet, but buds of leaves and blooms are forming, and the wild ones seek space for their soon nestlings.
Tinkering while assembling
Aspects of wildling creativity
All are scattered around me as
I develop skills into categories.
“Happy Birthday lonely soul! We’ve heard you are doing nothing to change this!”
Crisp-edged apple-cheese pancakes.
So good, you better believe it!
(Contrary to perfect fantasy, the making of which will likely occur in the next two weeks, as my schedule in already too overloaded!)
Shoved too close to him and his girlfriend, I found myself in his car with them.
I was in the passenger seat and she was on the center console, legs across his lap and arm wrapped around his neck while she ever cozied into him.
As streams of never ceasing “I am so great at everything I do, don’t you agree Honey? – and so are you!” poured from her mouth enspelling him, I suddenly found that my clothes were completley gone in the bright daylight, yet luckily found part of a sheet from the car floor in front of me to drag up over my voluptuous naketude.
Embarrased does not quite describe the feeling – and I could not afford to dub it mortification.
Once we parked, I carefully got out and walked carefully backward away from them with the sheet still held in front of me until I reached a nearby bathroom and could change into a lightweight one piece jumper.
As I emerged, it became clear that many men and women were using these back rooms for sexual hookups – and I was relieved and surprised to find him at the front of the building, waiting for me at the entrance to a huge video arcade.
His girlfriend had already gone inside, I assumed, and he stood tbere smiling at me.
Until now, I couldn’t figure out why or how I was dreaming of him because the dream had come without my asking, and he was so real here right in front of me.
As he then went to go purchase us tokens, I realized his being there was a birthday gift to me.
After the wild mixed tiger and leopard breeds came to visit me indoors for scritches and the farm help and I made sure the huge, muddy sows with their young piglets were doing well, as I went onward from there a small red hen, then a gray speckled, and then a sleek black one had me carry them around as wished me well while coddled.
I’ve needed a man that I could identify with.
Somehow, it’s always been you.
Thank you.
After I have pushed myself to break past internal barriers, I have a hard time accepting that I need rest for rebooting.
So Dame Good!
Groping around for any sense of familarity, she felt confused and bereft because she couldn’t feel how she used to be anymore

By Athena Stairs
First Drafted April 2016 / Rewrite In-Process as of February 2024
Present, Late Morning:
A tram slows to round a long curve in between the narrow channel of two raised banks of dirt formed like the inner sides of a canal.
As it straightens and passes through parts of an industrial low-income part of town, two tough-looking men are roughing up a young man along the upper edge of one side of the bank, and a woman dressed in layered robes brandishes a thick and gnarled wooden staff at him.
She seems to direct the men to push the younger man off from the top of the bank – and they grab him, knocking off his glasses, just as the tram rounds another curve, blocking the passengers’ view of the outcome.
Dusty, golden-hued sunlight filters inside the cab and a rippling of nervous tension and loud chattering breaks out as passengers call out to one another.
“Did you see that? That man on the bank above?”
“I think they pushed him off the edge!”
“No, it can’t be true!” whispers a young woman sitting next to a window with an open view to what has just happened and an expression of shock and dread upon her face.
Abruptly standing up in a state of panic, she turns and looks around frantically as a crowd surges back toward the rear-facing window, conjecturing and jockeying to see what is happening.
A few specks of glimmering dust settle briefly upon the woman’s coated shoulders as if to console her before they are whoosh-spiraled away by another passenger’s quick jogging past on his way to tell the operator to stop the tram.
Fingers white-knuckle-gripping the aisle poles in front of her, she begins pushing hard through the crowd to also catch any glimpse of the struggling young man…
Whilst we might not experience the progress we desire to see and are striving for in our own lifetimes, by being aware and present – by being diligent and contributive – we may turn the odds to future generations’ favor, and live each day knowing that we are heroes.
It’s not so much anger, but of trapped energy stiffled and swelling as the gag is shoved into the victim’s mouth while they are forcefully raped and pillaged.
Anger comes later, when it is often too late.
For we have been bred to be lambs for the slaughter.
Much of my life seems a continuum of pain, pressure, and pushing forward against odds.
So far, any attempts to address the injuries to my neck only bring more destabilization with increased pain and nerve flare.

I can’t stop reaching for that next hand and foothold – or even dragging my body forward when I can no longer climb or walk.
I try to be present in my body and reclaim internal territory that I have lost.
But it is hard to gain a center amongst so much nerve pain and structural injury.
I keep maneuvering to stay within the eye of the storm, but it is difficult to not fear the destructive power raging all around me.

Zoom…