“Without recourse” intrudes upon the mind – throttling life’s security, forcing by fear self compromise.
Month: March 2024
(Elixer – VonnBoyd)
A Sense Of Right And Wrong
“I have always been of the devoted type, but upon crossing the line of half a century old and reviewing how I have been abandoned time and again while I lead and rallied for love’s cause, what endurant reward truly exists to encourage my ever trying again?”
The Breakup
I need comfort’s
Sense of home and
Hope, love, and trust.
But he can’t be with me
Wishing he was some place
With someone else, another time.
Pipe Dream
To think that I would be given the time, space, and stress buffer to focus upon my Bachelor’s was a long shot, I know – but I have to keep trying to make its successful completion a reality.
(Arizona – Kings Of Leon)
Aftershock
Thank goodness I am easing off of the hyperburn as I work to regain system regulation!
“A Dragon Is Born”
Zoom…look at da baybee!
“Capuchin”
“Which Way To Turn?”
“Another Forager”
(Breathe – EMBRZ)
Being Stalwart
A key to endurance in survivors.
Every Little Grace
It helps my pounding-pained brain and adrenaline-riddled system that at least, for now, it is the weekend – which limits the amount of “running around in multiple directions” that I can do.
Are You Kidding Me?!
I had, of course, worried that the 3rd party doctor would claim some biased reason to discount my current inability to work – especially since she refused to perform the neurological assessment duties that I, my main doctor, and even my insurance company had requested and thought she was going to do.
But no.
Her eyes had glazed over during my interview and she seemed distracted and agitated when I told her my after-car accident current symptoms that I have been working diligently to have identified and strategies of rehabilitation formulated.
She was not interested and responded lacklusterly, telling me vaguely that she was not allowed to assess me for these things.
Then, her eyes lit up alive and she became animated when I told her of the many physical traumas that I have had since childhood and outgrew and overcame.
I stated these honestly because I was required to, and proudly because these have been previous “wars that I have won” and was very functional afterwards despite of.
After performing a brief exam that any walk- in clinic would offer after first shrugging her shoulders and indicating by body language and slight comment that it was useless and wouldn’t matter, her 16 page I-am-sure-templated-report did not dispute that I could not currently work – but that the accident was not the cause of my current inabilities!
What-what-what?! the warbling dodo bird comedian sqwuaks at this ridiculous claim in the face of all actual evidence that has been given.
The cascade of allowed and unchecked resultant destabilizing force from this claim has put all of my rallying defences under the gun.
“Feathered Sky”
“Child Of Light”
“Bathed In Gold”
“Dancing Maiden”
“Conjuring A Dragon”
“Overlooking Matriarch”
State Of Belief
“The dominance of the attempted shutdown hits with such force that I have no choice put to hurt myself in the process of matching that force and pushing even harder to fight it back.”
“The Light Of Truth”
Painful Overload
How to progress to finish my retraining and obtain my bachelor’s when under attack and actively defending…I must succeed.
“When Things Work Better Than Planned”
“2024 Will Be My Year!”
Sweat
Hot flashes propel my system into internal molten overdrive since I’ve began receiving craniosacral therapy for cervical injuries.
These episodes are further excercises in tolerant endurance as my body attempts to flux-recallibrate after impact’s shut down.
Dear Alex,
We met in public, again.
At a concert, inside a bar.
Groups divided to compete.
You didn’t know anyone there.
I came over and welcomed you.
This decided the group you’d join.
I got to feel your natural leadership.
The players automatically responded.
Although I kept to my own variabilities.
You supported me in this as my teammate.
A New Version Of WTF
Cut off income.
No grace period.
Still unable to work.
Need more time to heal.
Prospective loss of housing.
Song Analysis
“Come on and lead me on – tease me all night long. I’d rather be a fool with a broken heart than someone who never had a part of you.”
Maxine Nightingale’s “Lead Me On.”
(I’m not sure how healthy this is, but can appreciate the romantic sentiment.)
(The Glass – Foo Fighters)
“The Eye Of Heaven”
Heaven’s Eye
As I walked back out into the night and looked up at the moon, the intensity of dark rainbow-ring diffusion felt aimed at me – as if the Eye of Heaven was peering directly through its microscopic vision.
(The Kill – Thirty Seconds To Mars)
Valiance
Ever to the end…
(Adrenaline – Shinedown)
Further “Hilarity”
Having yet been unable to appeal the wrongful retraction of earlier unemployment wages, I today received a notice stating that they think I additinally instead owe them.
How the creatures do love to prevent one from Hell’s leaving.!
“The Wizened Elder”
“The Crown Prince”
“Oasis Of Mind”
When Your Mental Health Says…
Dear Alex,
Having to “conquer foes within the depths of hell” over and over again makes me feel unwortby of someone like you.
I am as if in The Witcher’s position, eyes magic-crazed and determination bent on overcoming any obstacle oozing from my pores while blood and slime covers my bearings – how thus could you account my beauty?
What would beguile you into thinking that we are matched in our wits and comprehension’s understanding?
“An Ally’s Strength”
They say that flowers help to absorb negative injury.
It seems that last afternoon’s reveal has pushed them beyond tolerances.
Thank you, sweet friend, for your cheerful comraderie.
Right Or Wrong Timing
Though extremely distressed by what is happening, I am not surprised.
It is often the case in important struggles that when rays of hope appear in darkness to signal there being light at the end of the tunnel – that is when the forces of resustance to one’s leaving appear.
Yet still, the experiencr of “being attacked and sabotaged” is terrifying!
In The War Zone
An attack has been made, and I hunker down, distressed while assessing damage.
The sun is shining outside brightly, and I have just had the incredible win of selling my youngest’s car for the exact amount needed to buy them the one they needed.
I showed up yesterday to my final and took to the stage spontaneously to pantomime along with my song in leiu of being able to finish it in the software properly.
Making no claims for the greatness of my acting, the point is that I innovated.
The internal clouds had parted for a moment, allowing me to remember as strategy that performance art could indeed be used for my presenting.
I have accomplished great, important things, one-by-one in sequence and by staying focused upon one step at a time.
Therefore, where is my confidence?
Why is it not safe to smile at the day’s mere delight and whim?
Because my home is under attack and the truth of my situation has not merely been called into question – but immediately acted against.
When a wounded person’s injuries are arbitrarily discounted, where does reclamation of justice and reclamation of security even start to begin?
Dear Alex,
I dreamed last night that I crossed paths with you and a friend of yours and I was able to buy you a lunchtime acquisition.
It made me feel good, gallant, and able to show you societally-accepted appreciation.
Upon reflection, I realize that you were again there for me, when my world is seeming to cave inward all around me.
Thank you for being a friend, in whatever forms we may at least pretend.
(Sunlight – The Magician ft. Years And Years)
It Is Time
To begin changing how we perceive fear.
Have A Care
The identity of cause is not yet shown in the few scans so far taken.
They have merely shown proof that what I say has occurred is indeed in those dimensions.
For the body obtains injury not only to bones and muscles – but to nerves, organs, and interstitial vessels.
Fie to those in power that continue suppressing the truth’s humanitarian efforts!
MIDI
An accronym for a durection wherein resides my salvation.
Candid Corvid Productions 