Month: May 2024
What’s Real?
I think I bolted out of the gate when my support was cut off – and now I am just seeking shelter.
A New Therapy
It is becoming clear that despite my interest in joining societal employment, in order to do so I am being required to shelf my dreams and basically wipe my identity.
Instead, perhaps I will learn a new healing modality…
I must regain my independence.
A Place of Stillness
Meditation is not the way for me, but manifestation is an opening.
In The Quiet
What quiet?
There is no quiet – only noise.
Chattering and yammering while pulling from too many directions.
Benched
Handing over the reigns to someone “more skilled” does not feel self empowering despite delegation of responsibilities.
Sign Me Up!
Goths In UnGothly Places
(All Time Low – Jon Bellion)
SideWinders
We are told that we can only express ourselves within limitations (if at all allowed), and that we must choose only certain facets of self to present to others.
No wonder it is rare to find someone who is consciously “here” – for we are too often discounting our own wholistic relevances!
Modes
Switching between them rapidly can feel like having multiple personalities.
Positive Reinforcement
There are advocates and kind people.
“Salvation”
There is a brush-on application medicine now being used in dental offices that helps interrupt rapid decay.
Foggy Chance
She was offered to preview a mentor’s script, and she had to give no promises.
“I’m not sure if I can – quite literally – but I want to very much!”
Liam Neeson As Cupid
Love Swept
No gentle landing
Having given it all,
The storm engulfed
Leaving only the fall.
Injustice
A sense of rage that boils blood
And eventually leads to rebellion.
(Foolish – AJ Mitchell)
Dissuasion
After the agency disqualified her by the same documents they had used to qualify her for services, they came back and said that if she gave up her career focus dreams and became another cog in the system, then they would help her with Speech Therapy.
Routine
I keep doing the same “workout,” willing my components to reconnect and reboot.
Compromised
In order to be allowed to stay with a brilliant man, I needed to not exhibit my own brilliance.
“Adagio For Square – Worakis”
“Third Eye”
Zoom…
(Wildflowers And Wild Horses – Lainey Wilson)
It Won’t Stop
At least before, I could go out and bring in my own money.
Calling It
I have no choice but to withdraw from most of my retraining courses.
Muddling About
I am not getting enough time and space to get really good at quality sound editing.
I am limited, at best, to posting captured hints of concepts.
“Kindly Drive”
By Athena Stairs
You don’t have to drive like a boop-boop
I’m pretty sure I’ve got my reasons, too
But I don’t see the need to swerve you off the road
If you can’t manage, please check your IQ
And I’m not sure that you should be operating a vehicle
Which has the capacity to instantly create manslaughter
Why don’t you just selectively take yourself off the driving meter
If you can’t regulate your internal computer!
“No Dandy Candy”
Hy-Po-Thal-A-Mus!
I name you thus!
Now stop making me so darn dizzy and dis-co-ord-i-nat-ing!!!
In Shambles
I dislike the chaotic mess in my kitchen, but if I attend to it, I won’t get to my coursework.
Antibiotics
So fun how their poisoning makes the trembling nerve misfiring worse!
(Saturn – SZA)
Meet And Greet
“I’m sorry…” he began by way of explaining.
“You should be,” she instantly retorted – then caught herself, flustered.
He smiled with gentle understanding. “I did not know that shared thought was under copyright.
“Well it is on my planet!” She spat, heart wounded.
Gaining Familiarity
What good to stick with classes if I cannot develop projects to better than minimal acceptability?!
Lost In Milieu
Sensory intake overstim whirls in conjuction with fighting compulsion of giving in to whatever messaging’s whim.
“Uncharted” Territory
I know what and how it all happened and am experiencing effects of the injuries, but it is difficult to gain others’ cooperation to look for and find what I “see.”
Denied To Me
I want to develop my movie script and finish my Bachelor’s degree.
Allied Champions
The queen still did not realize that she was a queen due to the spells that had been conjured tightly around her.
If I Can’t Have You
Is a dead-ending phrase.
Moth To Flame
I said it then and say again, “What gain to be drawn like the multitude launching hearts to become as cindered corpses?”
Dear Alex,
I have never been fully understood, nor accepted for my truth’s worth by a man.
These reactions – this sense of urgency which binds me to you must be my own responsibility.
Yet, everytime I try to pull away, I am called back to you, even though your actions hurt me.
What trick is this that led me to you – as if you were to be my answer?
(Lullaby – Wang Chung)
Open Heart Injury
Trying to grow up in society,
I learned vulnerability imposed
And, in fact, it should be exploited.
Having been targeted during COVID
(And beyond, if accurately tallied),
I find it difficult to trust others.
While I share my caring generously,
It is spread out to protect myself
So no one has ability to harm.
Where The Heart Grows
A blend of worlds is best at times, dreaming I was returning home along missed seaside.
It was a similar place with sweet sun-salt air, lightly misting low contour-peaked landmarks guarding lazy coves along a gently winding freeway.
I was so happy to be enacting our decision to return with newfound assurances that we would thrive because I could market myself well in a community-based vital economy, and there were great options for comfy housing.
The Event
She refused to look at him, though her heart pounded when the couple drew near.
For if she did not acknowledge him, she could not be asked to leave.
Word of the Day: Hypothalamus
Your hypothalamus, a structure deep in your brain, acts as your body’s smart control coordinating center. Its main function is to keep your body in a stable state called homeostasis. It does its job by directly influencing your autonomic nervous system or by managing hormones.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22566-hypothalamus
Deeper Within
For as much as I am reaching out and overextending to keep and make more connections, I am retreating ever deeper inward, farther away from the Light.
Maybe the Light is actually comprised of darkness, combusting and regenerating, sparking its emittance at such a high rate that we do not see its core is the source.
“Have Fun”
The lady said as she signed off from our phone call, forgetting she was speaking to someone struggling to keep her family housed.
Mental Fatigue
Done with trying to accomplish.
Candid Corvid Productions 