Month: June 2024

I step up to bat no matter circumstances imposed, watching as others swing in their sleep to condemn and entrap me in their nightmaring.

But I will keep strugglung to cast their dispersions from me and pray that I may ascend to higher grade peerage.

I was mistreated to such an extent in my last class for retraining that I finally had to file a complaint.

I may have “markers” which seem to convey putting me into some predetermined category – but then how I actually interact is levels of grace beyond the norms expected.

I have felt in a gap since crossing over the 50’s threshold, unable to relate to other women regarding what I’ve been going through.

And my mind is still in its earler years, where from my 20’s to 40’s inner expression was relegated into a holding pattern.

I’m not like other women out there.

I am set apart.

Although when a guy I see regularly in passing at the gym does a halt-shift abrupt direction reset when he sees me is heart wounding.

I know I am not the type he is looking for – but he didn’t need to physically translate that into a scene.

He’s typed himself from day one in his actions.

And it sucked that he projected “rejection” onto me.

Then, other women say that maybe I’m “doing something wrong.”

No.

I’m just trying to find and conjure forth what qualifues my own truth expressing.

And I am not stepping on or hurting anyone by my actions.

The most I do is revert to self defense when they are pushing.

And they sure go out of their ways to cast their stones blindly.

I do not go seeking it, but it sure loves to wave.

It does not always only come from direct violent actions, but can also come from passive-aggressive repeated negative messaging.

After I have taken on too much b.s. that the world has been shoving at me, my body reaches a point to where it begins to heat up – like bees do when they sense a threat; like dragons do, when it’s time to vent.

Some people work hard to get to where they are going for achievement.

Some other people look for ways to take advantage of this impetus.

I have reached the point where I can no longer flex or adapt for others

I have had to give too much beyond capacities while injured.

Time to shut down, retreat, bar my doors, and sink into reclusion.