“I already tended to elders, watching them whither in their later years.
I already witnessed vitality of adult youth taken much too soon and experienced caretaking a half life barely being lived.
Now as death surrounds me of beloved companion familars, I experience myself further caught in-between realms.
Nerve-endings painfully screaming, high energy sizzle-crackling at frayed synaptic tips.
Torn joints and muscle fibets struggling to reconnect while disconnecting defensively in response to every attempted movement’s overstim.
Spinal cord compressions tensing from contorting, weakened fascial tissues and shorting out my system struggling to keep producing any beneficial productivity.
I am just describing the microcosm of the seemingly unrelenting, next-level personal hell I keep fighting against to push it back behind daily consciousness to just breath and exist in any given moment.
I am living what is a preamble to a type of aging functional decay, while masking and doing my best to simulate walking and normal interactions.
I swear – there better be a HUGE payoff down the line for this painful continuum’s suffering.
I keep living my life fragmented, out of step with the normal patterns of time’s unfolding.”
Candid Corvid Productions 