Skin Deep

“He had closed off to me long before his injuries.

I didn’t know how to get him back – we were way off track from where we’d begun.

We were so young.

What had I done but been naive and asked him about something, too trusting and wanting his opinion?

Was it those “friends” who tried to falsely corrupt my reputation – make him think I would be a bad thing – and convince him to discard me for their gains?

Was it my sending away the woman who suddenly reappeared, trying to leverage their history and dethrone me?

I knew something about his past was unresolved and was soon projected onto me.

It shut down our connection’s honesty and sealed tight his mouth, glomming onto me like sticky taffy.

It was like I couldn’t move or breath freely, and every move I made or word I said was used as reinforcement to distance him.

And those hormones made me feel and see the cracks of our impending loss too clearly.

I begged him nicely – but then the women flirting and his ambiguity”s lack of reassurance got me yelling.

Our truth was there – why couldn’t and wouldn’t he fight for it?!

It was in how we drummed together, and in how our bodies confided.

But I couldn’t reach him; couldn’t talk to him.

He kept avoiding and denying while going through the motions of being together.

I could tell he resented my challenging and rallying, as he withdrew even more from me.

Our love before had been alive and vital – and I’d be damned if I would let it die like this!

But I was damned because I didn’t let go of it.”