“I know that part of an issue is that sometimes when I see something worrying in a relationship, I get stuck and cannot respond effectively to it.
I think this is residual behavior from having to play possum in unsafe childhood trauma zones, and I have not experienced enough ‘safety’ in partnership to be able to retrain.”
“Yes, I have been very afraid while enduring a careful and way too slow recovery process.
My head was almost torn off, for f***’s sake – as well other injury extremes!”
“The effects of the car accident were so extreme that I have had to be very careful on how I proceed toward recovering and healing.
I am now pushing, albeit prematurely, at dislodging terror from defying.”
(Playing with the word “terrifying”)
“I think in some ways, this has now become my default as a form of self preservation.”
“You’re a guy…a guy can almost do, be, and look like anything by today’s standards.
If a woman wants to self express, she’s supposed to be some oversexualized stringbean glamour model.”
“Being somone’s inspiration can shift once in relationship.
I’ve always thought this could be positive, but have yet to experience it.
It takes at least two people consciously aware to give dreams wings to fly in reality.”
Sometimes, it feels like you are closer to me.
But, I still can’t tell if you are real or fantasy.
Between my troubleshooting and my new physical therapist’s sports rehabilitation background, the first excercise she propesed in triangulating is revealing itself to be a major key for misalignment renegotiating!
“I guess what ails me is the fact that I’m injured, after having cared for another person with severe injuries that did not resolve positively, and where I did not get back the love, care, and support that I gave.
Reciprocity was lacking, so as a partner relagated to caregiving, my spirit became drained after decades of disregard.
So here I am, with this constant physical load beleageurment now of my own and a past history of needed love’s lack, so where do I find faith in concept that a man would step up for me when I am struggling to meet my own needs?
There’s a correlation conclusion in my reasoning that sucks away at confidence.
If I was not valued in my valiant youth’s high achieving performances before, then why would I be valued when I’m struggling?
And taking it further, would I still be valued if/as I moved into better recovery and claimed a new version of my prior bright energies’ emitting?
I feel at risk for being loved only for my current diminishment.”
“Maybe if I were with a dedicated man who could and would love me with equal depth and endurant tenacity, I’d have ‘a chance in Hell.'”
“One minute, having hope and running back to champion it – and the next, having it ripped forever from one’s grasp – is beyond tragic, and unforgivable…it’s something worth screaming at the heavens to demand amends for.”
“It’s still f****d that he was taken from me when I had just figured it all out and was on my way to tell him.”
(Early twenties, 1994)
“When the light seems to leave and I can not hold onto it anymore, I fall into the darkness, cushioned by something when I cannot break my fall.”
“What I see around me is a tease.
None of it is mine – except what I brought with me and seem to be in process of losing.
I am only allowed to give to others, but rarely receive.”
Sometimes, patience is overrated.
Zoom…
“Because I can’t stop pursuing what I need to learn about – even if circumstances keep smacking me about.”
“I’m either all in, or not involved. I don’t understand how people can play only partially. “
I’m sorry, but it’s correct pronunciation – given how it is spelled – is “koo-eh-oo-ing.”
(Chuckles)
One in September.
One in January.
One in March-April pending.
And 4th queuing up.
F**K
Vet emergency with end of days news.
Crying my eyes out in the car before giving therapies.
Storm’s front suddenly blasting down the street while I was crossing, sweeping me up in wind, dust, and leaves.
Attended to clients, but one missed, causing mark’s miss.
But youngest pitched in, and a peer gave me hugs and my Pink Drink (TM) as a late birthday present.
By Athena Stairs, March 26, 2025 Early AM
Baby if you want good love
Look no further – back up
You breezed by me too quickly
Expecting disinterest’s rejection
Bet you were surprised to see
Me lookin’ right back formally
No game was upon my sleeve
As I assessed you respectfully
I know we haven’t built a bridge
Both accustomed to isolationism
But our hearts’ common ground
Yearns deep for loving salvation
Still recovering from losses’ brutality
We could give each other tranquility
I’d step across lines if you asked
And showed me how to manifest
What’s needed to match chemistry
Igniting souls’ passions everlasting
“It’s just my…”
By Athena Stairs, March 25, 2025
Well let me tell ya
Society’s outdated
Got me frustrated
‘Cause don’t identify
No alibi for ignorance
There should be bliss
Just knowin’ who we are
How we’ve come so far
Age is just for guidance
To protect the innocent
Once we reach maturity
Keep livin’ by integrity
Free will’s expressin’
Ain’t gotta hurt nobody
Seekin’ love in this new
Age of Aquarian reality
We all have need to feed
Don’t need envy or greed
Followin’ higher powers
No need for proselytizin’
Whether man or woman
Leads in age or follows
Whether self identification
Leaves monoculture hollow
We’ve gotta believe in ourselves
Spread our wings like a swallow
Take our dreams to new heights
Where love’s sacred not borrowed
All the truths that God spoke
Were meant for wise guidance
Not for launchin’ as weapons
Spreadin’ hatred and violence
Pull those heads outa the sand
Let’s discuss inclusive parlance
‘Cause when each day is done
We all ache to have the same
Someone who’s got our back
And security without any blame
—
(Please contact me for permissions)
“So olllld – ah-ha ha-ha-ha!”
(Society takes ageism way too seriously)
Dragon (left upper faint) and Phoenix (center bright)?
“It’s likely ok that I’m out of faith because I sustained radical positivity for so long that there’s bound to be an accounting.”
“I’m bigger than you, but you are larger than life – aspects designed in the natural order of female to male.”
Dark and light
Black to white
Halves of
A whole
Schismed
Portland.
No…it’s not comforting at 2am in the morning when one’s hair dryer suddenly turns on in the other room – especially when the switch is hard to adjust on or off.
Suuurree, it must have been on edge under tension when I turned it off, initially.
Yeah…that’s it!
(Nervous laughter)
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