Month: March 2025
(First Time – Elderbrook)
I Used To Think This Was True…
Outdated Belief Systems
“It’s not about age, status, or income: it’s about connection.”
(Out Of My Mind – little image)
Living For Others
“Works well if they are also living for you.”
(I Wanna Dance With Somebody [Who Loves Me] – Elderbrook, Hotel Session #45)
Speaking One’s Mind
“I mask enough in my daily life, carefully choosing what fits each occasion.
But for the time being, this space is mine.”
Limits
“I guess it must be ok to realize that I no longer have the answers,”
Burnout
“And what man is capable of and would want to invest in me where I am stuck and seem unwilling?
When I was honestly open and available, these traits were not valued nor encouraged – and they certainly were not given safe haven.”
The Quest For Sanity
“There’s this concept that finding true partnership could restore peace and prosperity
But it’s really more about finding congruency and mutual devotion.”
Crazed
A state that overcomes a woman when her valiant efforts are found to have been wasted.
Get Out, Get Out, Get Out!
When trust can no longer be valued.
Infidelity
“No man should be allowed to bring another womsn into my house – either in concept or reality.”
From One To Two
“There’s this concept that partnership can help cushion and positively redirect difficulties.
But my memories of relationship show most of the work of showing up placed upon me.
So in reality, how would partnership benefit when the ideal has no manifesting history?”
Dynamics
“Perhaps there is a type of depression that occurs when one is continually thwarted in accessing their synergy as a result of injuries.
But I was already there for every else’s struggles, helping them to overcome them.
Now, who is helping and nurturing me?
Feeling compromised doesn’t seem just reward for all of my past supporting.
Yet, independence helps give illusion that I am ‘still standing.’
Does all of this reinforce self determination?
Is that why isolation digs in more deeply?”
(Never Be Mine – Kate Bush)
Detachment
“It’s like I’m not allowed to have or keep anything that I want.”
The Big Push
Prepping for attending the concert had been a joyous occasion to look forward to.
Swirling In The Eddy
“It’s not that I can’t see things to do, but that a huge wall of fatigue and deep internal disappointment has caught up with me.
While I have maneuvered difficulties toward directions that can ultimately benefit, it just seems that my drive has shorted.”
Wherefore Go I?
“It used to be that I had to wait for others in my family to give them a chance to catch up, but I could often see where they were going and what they needed, so even in going slower, I had a sense of purpose.
But for myself now, it just feels like I’m being held down from performance, and I’m not sure what to pinpoint to clear cobwebs from my perception – which is unusual.
I used to always find a path and reason .”
(Do Without You – Caribou)
The Long Walk
“‘I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress…’- lyrics I repeat again from a King Crimson song.
You see I’ve lost a lot, and the gains I’ve made – though incredible in their own way – just don’t seem to heal the damage.”
Ancient History
She had traveled to where they used to have a specialist, but all that was left of the structure was its foundation.
The Elder One
“She was the one we eventually learned we could count on.”
Still Slumbering
“My heart…my heart doesn’t have what it needs.”
To Others’ Hands
How each individual
And group of people
Picked on and tugged
At what glued them
Because of jealousy, envy,
Or misplaced sense of duty
But ultimately the couple
Failed because he gave in
Mila Jovovich – Live 2006!
“Night Owl”
“Hangin’ Out”
(Any Other World – Deradoorian)
Two Ravens
“Relief”
“Phoenix Feather”
Life Mate
No matter what she tried or accomplished, it seemed limited without the cleansing fires of a true pair bonding.
In A Blue Moon
She could only summon her glamour after much focused application.
Then it soon resolved to ashes, as if she had never existed.
Hell’s Damnation
She kept to herself because she no longer believed it was possible that a man would want her in all of her glory.
Fire Bird
“Think of me, when you are out there, alone in your prime and uncertain,
Remember that I believe in you, for I arose from my ashes and witnessed.
And know that we are both worthy, as a good man and woman were meant to be.”
Pure Potential
He smoothly walked past the two of them for casual observation, noting the woman in red-gold splendour with her beloved grown child beside her.
She could tell he had recently showered as his hair hung in smooth, coiled ringlets, and his masculine meditation clued he was deep in preparation.
Imaginary Friends
“When we are alone, there is only the self to turn to, seeking ways that we could be and imagining conversations/experiences that we wish we could have with others.”
Woman
Regal and elegant
Strongly prevailant
Yet shattered frail
Not So, The Benefit
It was commented to me upon describimg my healing therapies to another practitioner that it must be wonderful that I can perform these techniques upon myself to further my own healing.
But this isn’t the case because the type of damage I experienced blasted apart nerve and fascial fibers throughout my body, and even my muscles feel on constant edge of further separation-tearing.
No one has ever described these kinds of injuries before that I know of.
It’s as if parts of me just bamphed into another reality upon impact, leaving ghost remnants in zone patches in the present, and the rest of me is trying to pull itself back together while those blast zones keep glitching and phasing.
Physicality
An incredible pain load can make the body crave equal or greater stimulus of pleasure and comfort.
(Still Smiling – Andy Grammer)
Past Lives
We hold onto and revisit the past, not knowing what we could reach for and have in the future.
(Somebody Else – Vandelux)
Alternative Reality
“Somewhere out there, there’s a timeline where my once husband did not have injuries that took away his amazing physicality; we toured the world on motorcycles, feeling wild and free; and we kept our family together by love’s enduring fidelity.”
(Feels Like A Sunday – Elderbrook)
After his amazing, high energy show last night, today finally feels like a real Sunday.
A Rare Outing
Last night my youngling and I saw Elderbrook live at the Roseland Theater, Portland.
I got dressed up in firebird red and gold layers, phoenix belt, and sparkling light reflecting aspects with accent hair clip feathers.
We sat in the ADA section because my hip had acted up again and my youngling had just acquired a foot injury, making our arriving there challenging.
But this did not stop us from sitting – then standing in place while cheering, zagreeting, and dancing!
We got to see Vandelux first as a wonderful bonus – and Elderbrook’s show was AMAZING!!!
Candid Corvid Productions 