Dear Alex,

Darn it!

I don’t understand these delays – and why is time both pressuring and preventing me in progessing?

It’s like I live a year in a day – but not much around me is changing, not getting accomplished – and I need time to slow down, but can’t afford it to.

Or maybe, I am just frantically spinning my wheels like a mouse on a track set, in a room surrounded by a field of stasis.

Meanwhile, I can see I’m not getting any younger by the strain from the injuries.

If I weren’t struggling so hard to recover, I’d probably be weathering better.

And what’s so important about “right timing,” anyway?

And why does my own mind get all tangled up in overcompensating – still thinking I must manage everything?

Again, it is said that a woman moves into her masculine energy when fighting for survival.

I just want to scream into the void for you to “Come save me, already!”

Lol.

But then I worry that I would likely push you aside to get you out of the way so that I could stumble and flail wildly at the next demons approaching – so used to battling on my own, that I feel crazed and hazey.

Maybe its the injuries, but circumstances sure keep fecking mobbing!

And I am so tired of always fighting.

Yet, I no longer feel able to live any other way – even though memories of what partnership is meant to be still haunt me.

And I am having difficulty identifying with what remains of myself.

I am just trying to at least keep holding solid ground while encountering massive slippage.

What good can I initially be for you when you arrive?

Unless you plan on us sleeping entwined, nourishing each other for the next century so that we can both recover and reclaim our vitality.

Sounds perfect to me, actually.

Although I know reality needs attending.

Maybe we could find a middle ground while being mutually endulging?”