Filament

“When I think of the struggles I’ve been through, brought to new levels by still trying to recover from that accident, it is difficult to feel self worth in overcoming.

I managed to get my youngest their car and moved out into their own life; i have networked for resources and kept housing despite being unable to work; and I have attended school and completed a certificate – though this term I’m likely not passing.

I think of all of the slippage that I’m now encountering in my ability to bridge gaps in a life full of enforced ramping demands for hyperachieving just to maintain basic life survival – and feel somehow targeted to fail.

Maybe this is just the path of an innovator, of someone who doesn’t fit into the system because they are capable of greater contributions.

But it makes me cognizant of how fragile the stability in all of our lives really is when I keep getting pushed again and again to fall off of the edge of any briefly acquired security.

It reminds me of when I was a young child and would escape to go sit on my low front yard fence away from everyone, safely poised on that line for a few, very long minutes – disengaged while staring into the face of Nothing.

It’s like I never recovered.

I’m still just a fragile wisp in fhe wind.”