“Writing my progressions for all of these years is likely how I’ve reinforced keeping connection with any traces of my sanity.”
Month: August 2025
Dear Friend,
“I pull at the chains…and I’m breaking.”
“Baby Onesie”
Great Measures
“Focusing on the rare warmed up pie and ice cream with whipped cream that I’m eating…”
Affectation
“Cussing gives me strength in times of weakness…power words…”
I’m Here
“Just casting my net about, trying to grapple with this sea monster and come up with better solutions than freaking the fu** out…”
“Golden Dragon”
“BZZT!”
“Messenger”
Movie Yet To See Spoiler: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Retraining
“Looms on the horizon…”
Dear Friend,
“I find it to be unfair that we have both in the past felt compelled to censor ourselves in order to retain what meager rations hinting at the faintest specks of love that we were portioned.
Yet, our endurance and fortitude against great challenges where weaker wills would have perished speaks well of us – and it is to be hoped that we have now deserved to receive much better treatments.”
(Silence Must Be Heard – Enigma)
Forgiveness
“A true lover will forgive almost anything.
But, I’m not sure that we should.
And some things must be remembered and put as hard limits – lest we be repeatedly misused and taken advantage of.”
Repetition
“Citing no-go’s keeps me from seeking false shelter.”
(Numb – Elderbrook, Chill Mix)
Striking Out
She had given them chances aplenty, but abandonment was always a dealbreaker.
(Missing Limbs – Sleep Token)
Severed limbs
She had been there for him through his worst times, but when his crazymaking and her longterm starvation for his love converged into a sickening slew, he abandoned her – later stating that he could not carry any weight to be there for her.
Marriage Vows
“In sickness and in health.”
Self Worth
“I felt proud of my prior physical abilities.”
(Fear – Leo Faulkner)
Troubleshooting
“Heating blanket controller says ‘E,’ so check for loose connection.
Attachment completely unplugged is definitely an ‘E’ reason.”
Pain
“Believe it or not, I don’t like complaining – but I keep getting driven to mention it in order to attempt to obtain some sort of psychological release.”
Dear Alex,
“It seems silly to say this, but at least I know it wasn’t my fault that when I’d literally lift a finger, my eyes and brain kept trying to short out.
This is why I could not continue attempting piano and guitar, and why the pressure of survival pinging would not release to let me return to prior editing.
I’ve been having a hard time not getting a complex about these inabilities.”
Dear Alex,
“I’m frightened.
The MRI shows I likely need intervention surgery, asap.
I find out more tomorrow.
It isn’t something that I can fix on my own, and is getting worse too rapidly.
I wish I was wrong about this.
I hope it is better than this.
But it seems pretty obvious my life is at risk.
Maybe there’s another way to interpret this.
I’ve worked hard to keep my grip from slipping.
I don’t know how I can control this fall.”
Dear Alex,
“Many forms you present, but which is the real you?”
“Spirit”
True Dat
Ah, If Only Could’ve
Ocean Playtime
(Amen – for KING & COUNTRY)
Repost from November 14, 2024
Epitaph
“I want mine to say more than that I struggled valiantly.
I want it to also say that I got to live.”
(Almond Eyes – Brandon Lake)
Humans Being
What would we say to each other
If no longer labored in disruption?
How would we treat each other if
Acknowledged sisters / brothers?
Pragmatism
“I’m going to have to shift how I’ve looked at all of this in order to create a new form of hope to carry on.”
For Now
When paths forward
Erase into fading dim
Going becomes slower
As insecurity increases
One must take hold of
Frightened heart/mind
Carefully testing steps for
Stability’s further slippage
(Sparrows – Cory Asbury)
(Little Whip – Daggy Man)
How Rapid Is Rapid?
“Two years to this state is pretty darn rapid.
Gee, migraines and symptoms validated.
Why, thank you!”
(Sugar – Sleep Token)
The Game
Counter-strategies
First Born
“Breaks new ground the hardest.”
(Don’t You Give Up On Me – Brandon Lake)
Roles
“We have lost our bearings without at least some good aspects to guide our growth by.”
Dear Friend,
I know you
We are the same
In how we transform
Adversity
A rare finding
Indeed
Black Dragon
Laughs at machinations
Opening her own maw
To swallow them whole
Feasting on own blood
Transmutating power
Back into her hands
Leaving them gaping
In awe and wonder
As she takes to
Broken skies
Chem Trails
The hyper-sexualized narcicist thought he’d had her in his clutches by way of hormones procurred soaking into her bloodstream.
But to his vexation, she didn’t give a sh** about addiction when it came to there being an absence of love involved.
“Blood Magic”
“I am told that healers bound by this suffer such draw from their own life force that if they cannot find a way to recover strength, they are in danger of becoming vampires.”
Dear Friend,
“Where is it?
That wound that still bleeds?
Lead me to it, and I will try to help absolve and heal it.
Will you do the same for me?”
Candid Corvid Productions 